अबस (عبس) = लाभहीन unprofitable

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....

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एक दुआ मेरी क़ुबूल हो जाए
जिसे मेरे लिए बनाया है तूने
उसके सिवा न कोई नजर आए

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"you need to sleep," they say
"but i need to rest"
they don't understand the difference

i held out a fake smile
with an open ended question

the neon blinks
a vacancy sign

i start searching for a home again
that isn't haunted by

my reflection.

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where harsh words
and ugly critic
gazed through me
but not deterred my spirit.

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When I came to know that my authentic love was not more than a screened draft for you

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अच्छा कार्य करने के बाद भी, गलत सुनने को मिले।

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I am bored of seeing my face. Its like going to the same diner every single time and ordering the same dish. It no longer fascinates me. My eyes are so sorry for being with me. My dark circles are shining at their best. My smile is so fake that I no longer take selfies. My hands tremble when I have to click a picture. I try adding filters like how my mom adds spices to a dish so calculatively. My stomach denies food. Its heavy and already consumed. My body is weak but I make it strong by feeding whats good in nibble sized quantity. I am tired. I am worn out.

Have I consumed myself so much? Have I eaten me completely? And then I realise, this is how law of diminishing marginal utility works.

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सौदा़ इश्क़ का है,अब़स से परे,यहाँं,सब़ हार के भी,
नफा नुकसाऩ का हिसाब़ नहीं किया जाता।मुहब्बत़ में,
सौदा दिलों का होता है,ज़जबात़ खरीदे बेचे जाते हैं।
क्या खोया क्या पाया,इश्क़ के व्यपारी कब़ जानते हैं।
जब़,इश्क़ अनमोल़,फिऱ अबस़,क्या सवाल़?

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Feels like a panting dog

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