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//chaos_of_stillness

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You thought, and thought!
But then, you didn't know;
That, during those moments,
When you were certain,
Of my total absence--
I was there, with you.
Still, you thought, I wasn't.

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The feeling of
abandonment
is better than
getting throttled
in a congregation
where neither you
get any kind of
deliberation nor
anyone values
your apparition.

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There is something that happens with people who've been left to fight their own battles and be their own champions for far too long.

We see cracks everywhere. We see empty pots trying to fill themselves to brim from others' cups. We see the takers and rarely any givers. We see your every gesture and overthink your every move. Our senses are heightened not with euphoria but with panic. There is a constant battle between how much to let you in and how much to deny, between how much you're worth it and how much you think we're worth. And we run. We run for our lives when your actions don't follow your tongue. We ghost before being ghosted. We leave before getting left.

But mostly, even though we believe the world can come crashing down any minute, we still let you in. We let you in even if it's for sometime. We let you in to be our champion for a while. We let you in praying that maybe this time it'll be different. We let you in to prove us wrong. So, why don't you?

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//Abandonment//

How does it feel to be abandoned?
Left alone by everyone
Bothered by no one
Wanted by none
Just you

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Leaving something you liked the most.

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Maybe,it's better this way.

Better being lost than found
~only to be abandoned,
a g a i n.

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How do I weigh
the sins of that night
when you'd pickpocket
my starry skies
and scattered specks of
pale forlorn shades of black
on my window sill,
too rimy for my palms,
too stubborn to be wiped off;
My fist still tight
holding your shrouds of silence,
those unsaid words
still piercing
what remains on my left.

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