"Because of you ,
Want to figure out ,where I was wrong ?"

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Because I am not enough confident to choose colors of my small flat after it repaired, due to leakage of water in most cases the house reeked of mould and damp.

I never attempted this kinda work earlier. Family took the responsibility once. But now only I left to do so.
Staring at ceiling I was thinking whatever I chose, would it be the right choice for my humble abode ?

Several years I was like a rootless wanderer. A partly repressed emotionally but significant ideas causes psychic conflict in me that may have enough possibilities, lead to abnormal mental states like a complex of mountain roads for a simple but deep enough to think why in my own house I don't own a single room?
Finally I do not lose my sanity but make them clear please let me live in my own room, in my own way. The way I said not easy for them or me too as because now every little thing I have to do in my own. Though I say, I can live life my own way, apply my own conditions what comes right away. Nothing gives you enough peace than it, oneday you just imagine *stars* in your ceiling , they were enough friendly to you when you awake in midnight and stare at.

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'I am looking at the fan.'

'So what? It's just a fan, what's so special about it?'

'You're asking a strange question, don't you see?'

'What should i see?'

'A woman is sitting on the fan.'

'What! What the hell are you saying?'

'Relax, I'm just joking.'

'Damn, you really scared me.'

'She is behind you.'

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'How do you know? It means you have been awake too, right? Now tell me, why do you lie awake at night, watching me lie awake?'

Uh huh. 🥺🤦‍♀️

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To have a deep conversations with myself...at the end after all the hustle n bustle..i am with me at the night....so its good to have a chit chat with myself..🤭

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"Wondering if I could clear all the unwanted memories in my mind and be white clean
like the ceiling."

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"Lately I realised everyone has a story and some want to tell 'em too. When the lights are off and you're laying on the bed thinking about all the stuff going on and the things you've to do, you've got another story spunning behind the back of your head and when there's no one listening to your part then, you're re-playing that story in your mind being casted on the ceiling."

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I don't know how the ceiling makes me think about something invisible now,
I automatically started counting of wounds on my heart instead of seeing rounds of fan. Why my white ceiling makes me remember dark spots of my past?

These nights which filled with day dreams and the ceiling which is invisible even my eyes staring at that ends with a lot of questions.

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Correcting forced puzzle pieces
Collecting music from the trenches
Yodeling in your head
Just like that, getting back into bed
Tracing stories across the screen
and trying to figure yours through them,
Replaying memories
some of them pebbles,
some of them gems.
Weekend is a ‘time please’
to stabilise and reinvent.

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🌹
🌹
🌹
🌹
🌹
I think deeply and try to remember the events of my pre-birth


🌹 Good Night 🌹— % &

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