Death doesn't bring us closure or even forgiveness.
Love for that person lets us forgive. Love for that person helps us realise they are at peace, which also brings us peace. It may take time, but one day it will make us smile; the moment we realise that no matter what, even going through that pain due to the loss, were also happy moments.

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There is a yearning in the night sky. When you sit there after midnight and before dawn, you can feel it making you so full yet helpless and incomplete.
There is a yearning in the night sky. When the desires become so overwhelming that you just don't want that view to change.
There is a yearning in the night sky. When you feel all the sins because of the starry night and yet you feel like you dived into the purest form of existence.

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There is a longing. A feeling of being homesick even when surrounded by family. A yearning to enter the nothingness rather than fading away. An emotion that is unpleasant yet effingly pleasant.
It is how for a yoctosecond you might live your whole life and it will be done but you will have years and years on with the end unknown.
A whisper of a moment, a sliver of existence before the nonexistence, so small that it is nearly not there and yet enormous that it makes you one with everything.

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Things are not always how they are
"supposed to be". Things can be imperfect and yet perfect. The struggle, and the mess make up the perfection. Broken things are also whole and beautiful. Upside down is also picturesque. There is always meaning in the unfinished and the undone.

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Being in your 30s is like fighting the
battle of being a child and an adult in college;
you don't know whether you are old or still young.

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After a couple of years… On the last Sunday of December (2024), I felt like disappearing yet again. I didn't want to die again, but I wanted to disappear again.
I thought I had moved past that feeling. I knew it lingered, but I stood strong.
It moved outside the circle of ‘normal-everyday feelings' and circled it until it made its way through yet again. It waited for the right time to enter, for the carpet of negative, overwhelming thoughts to be spread out for its welcome.
And I, a silly soul, must acknowledge its existence just to know what I must ignore. That acknowledgement has traces of fear and submission. Giving in to fear and submitting is not affordable right now.
So, can acknowledging it be ignored altogether? Will fear and submission stay put?

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When perfectionism fails,
not settlement but adjustment flourishes.

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Not knowing if the next moment is your last, makes you want to feel love, gratitude and peace then and there. But not knowing if the next moment is your last also, makes you want to give love, gratitude and peace then and there.

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The crier envy the weak that
others are strong.
While the ignorant envy the strong that
others can be open with emotions.

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You know your overthinking
is getting overwhelming
when that becomes the movie
in your dreams.

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