until I got hold of my senses and realised my true potential wasn't going to bloom by itself
unless I own my mistakes and take responsibility of the shit else I'll be all screwed in an instant
took up mindfulness meditation and started occupying myself with vigourous reading of my subject
overhauled my routine for the better cuz I already had seen the worst not though by my intent
but I kept reminding myself that nobody has it all sorted out in reality
and life doesn't deal anybody with fair hands or without partiality
but you gotta use your unfair advantage to the extreme to get ahead of the rest
of the mob who don't realise everyone has a different set of questions in the test
that life presents them with and it's not surprising many end up winning where they didn't even intend to
and losing where it mattered the most just because of their fucked up priorities giving the shit a nasty end to !!
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was naive enough for a decade or so beleiving in my own fucked up version of reality
yes !! the one in which I used to believe like I was the one born after ages to give sermons on universal duality
with people making ridiculously cruel jokes on my condition with impunity
my only resort was to isolate myself,trying to dodge those insecurities
which kept chip chopping my subconscious with those horrible logical fallacies
that I almost beleived to be true things but it always takes a bit more time to cross the rough blue seas
especially when the compass doesn't seem to be working and the crew is lethargic
that's usually the moment when you're about to give up and start praying for some magic..-
only to find himself later in a ditch filled with his own blood by the roadside,
for he messed up with the wrong guy,dare anyone fuck with my good vibes,
love to bits and pieces those fuckers who chose to be on my side,
despite the urgencies of an adult life
sitting thousands of miles away cross legged in their cubicles cheering me up while their boss rides;
over their heads sucking blood like a female mosquito enjoying night life !!
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writing this without any purpose,not living though;
feels like I'm on the threshold of something great, can't wait even for a moment or so,
the dark blot on the robe of my demeanor is about to get removed permanently;
and yes !! I've worked hard enough to get what's due and adamantly
I say this again I appreciate the constant support but I already got God on my side;
and all that bickering I get to hear, I'm least bothered like a devil's side aide waiting for my demise...-
they say the hoes might still be classy
and those who are not classy just belong to the masses
I'm sick of those bros who say every girl is the same knowing the fucker ain't worth it
for they first set up the girls in a bar then expect loyalty
just same as the girls who fuck over an unsuspecting nerd along with all his perception of reality
in the age of social media,these old words of mine don't even reverberate now as some prophecy
might be common knowledge still not common enough to strike them right in their senses
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wrong place,wrong times
wrong persons,wrong vibes
could've tried as many times
just to keep myself pleased with same shit that I've been dealing with all this while
sucks to be this patient and this nice
when all you can do is just trying hard to not escape, yeah man it's a hard fight
absolutely no escapes and certainly no flight
yeah bitch !!
it's a plot twist !!
I'mma scare away my own demons,yeah !! you heard it right !!
now just watch them crying over their own plight !!
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on a journey that I'm not even halfway through;
I'm getting tired with all that baggage of the past that I've been carrying with nowhere to go,
it's like searching for some shelter while it's raining like cats and dogs
in a no man's land with no connection with the outside world,gotta be kidding dawg !!
Actually I'm not !!
it's just that I'm at the crossroad
of a different sort
I can see my past disappear in one moment and reappear in the next
all that just with one wrong text...
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shooting down flying castles in my head, like I'm a jet in stealth mode
about time I start fending for myself,cuz the world out there is freakin way cold
I know it's been a little too late for many seem to have already cracked the code
but of what use is this impatience just when I'm trying to settle the scores
with my fate cuz I'm not a victim on a blame mode
I'mma continue with this fight without much noise cuz I'm focused on my goals like a cellphone on airplane mode-
I grapple with my own thoughts of yesterday which I found relevant
then but only to discard those today in the light of an ambient
Sun which seemed to remove the darkness so inherent in my spirit
only to be eclipsed by harshness in my speech so apparent that anyone could feel it
lost in a world of my own thoughts, I could barely bear it
but what actually messed up with my head I could rarely share it
until I picked up the pen to vent it
shivers up my spine it sent and I felt it
and to this day I'm glad I took up this art form and I don't repent it !!-
All geared up for the combat, I'm in my war boots already
even if I'm the triumphant in this war that ensues, what's the remedy for this tragedy
that I've imposed upon myself like force feeding a pill
down my throat just to get rid of this ill will
that I often encounter in my thoughts still
dark enough to send shivers down anyone's spine in broad daylight
testing my resolve like playing a pillow fight
with the ghost of my own past at sharp midnight trying to scream the fuck away from it until I wake up terrified
and realise all this was just a dream that I can't go back in time to rectify....-