You notice when you start to lose your worth
not as a person,
but to them.

Texts that once took minutes to return
turn into hours.
And before you know it,
the sun rises and sets
and you’re still waiting
for a reply.

It’s easy to get caught in busy schedules,
you remind yourself.
You’ve said it too
“Everywhere’s just been tight.”
That’s alright.

But this time,
you’re on the other side
waiting for your message
to be at least read,
even if no text comes back.

Then it hits you.
You’ve become so unimportant
they scroll past
not even noticing
that you were once
someone they looked forward to hearing from.

-

Your heart is that glass
fragile, yet it looks strong from the outside.
Inside, tiny cracks form lines,
each one telling a story
of a different hurt,
one scar at a time.

As the cracks sink deeper,
the lines once blurred begin to darken.
You try to hold it together,
hoping the damage will somehow repair itself.
But each time,
a new fracture appears.

Eventually, it breaks.
And you’re left on the floor,
trying to gather the pieces
but you struggle to,
because you don’t even know
what caused you to break,
or how to fix it.

-

Life isn't a field of dandelions, you can't just blow into it and get a happily ever after.

-

As I wallow in my thoughts in the dark night,
I think of my sins, and the guilt weighs me down.
My chest feels tight, the lump in my throat grows bigger—
I can taste my own guilt,
The shame blending with the pleasure of having tasted sin.

My actions test not just my faith but my morals.
How can I look at myself in the mirror and feel like me?
How can I be proud of the woman standing before me?
I feel whole, yet completely shattered.
I’ve thrown my worth deep into the gutters.

As I sink further into my own guilt,
I wonder—
Do I feel guilty for my sins,
Or because I enjoy these pleasures so much
That I crave their bitter-sweet taste even longer?

“What a terrible person I am,” I say to myself.
I hold my chest and tell myself the bitter truth:
I can only stop when I’m certain
That I’ll look only ahead,
With nothing to pull me back.

-

Everyone is flawed and a little broken on the inside
As the sun rises in the day and sets at night we are constantly trying to pick up the cracks to fill in the voids. Some cracks are bigger while others form in layers.

Sometimes we are broken not by others but because we hit ourselves too hard
We yearned for things we knew were out of reach, yet still, we reached.
We shifted between too little hope or too much
Our cracks sometimes we let define us, while at other times we mask and act like we are still whole

Accepting your cracks is one thing and claiming you aren't broken when you are is another
With these cracks comes fear, the fear of completely being broken, the fear of trying again.

We know too well we are not whole but even with cracks and pieces scattered all around us,
We yearn for someone, or something, or even a passion, that will help pick them up and fill in the void.

We might never be whole again but if we can fill in the gaps, perhaps that’s enough.

-

It's really tough when you are so good with words
but bad at it when it comes to expressing how you feel at certain moments.

Those moments when you can't really give a specific emotion to how you're feeling.
How you cannot express how you're experiencing an emotion
that feels like no emotion at all.

It's not a feeling of numbness,
Just a feeling of detachment from the world, one that you can't explain.

You feel so deeply,
Yet you feel nothing at all,
Almost like you're begging to feel something,

"The feeling of begging to feel"

-

Your thoughts.

Mine eats me away as the sun sets for darkness
I sit in the dark, with my view blur and droplets from my pains scattered all over my phone screen
I try to block out the voice in my head but it only gets louder as I try
I'm tired of feeling like this
I'm tired of feeling like shit
I'm tired of a version of me locked deep inside
Always try to break me down in bits.

-

My arms are open for your warmth
My heart is always ready to give you love
My shoulders not big enough but enough for you to always lean on

I really miss you and I'm sorry my actions made you feel like you needed to stay back.💔

-

Sometimes I know exactly how I feel
But I do not know how to put it down in words
Without being too direct and extremely vulnerable
Without letting the outside see how intense the depth of my emotion is on the inside.

-

Dear Dad,

It sucks so much that I have to evolve over the years with a version of you that remains stuck in time. I miss you everyday and hope that you remain proud of the steps I take in this world as I write my own story.🤍

-