A toss. What it’s gonna be? Heads or Tails? Oh, this is not the coin Harvey Dent used in The Dark Knight rises. This is a fair coin. And that’s the funny part, we often misunderstand what fair is. You think when you do good to people and they don’t payback it’s unfair, you think the one who does not conform by one or more of the social norms a group of our earlier generations came up with should be punished. From early childhood we are injected with the idea of karma and take classes in moral science. Well, I fail to accept it as a science. Newton’s third law of motion states was introduced to us as, “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” As we climbed classes, it was clarified that the action and reaction affect two different bodies. Similarly, all our actions bear consequences, but often times, it not us who gets to enjoy the fruits of our labour or pay the price of our vice. We turn a blind eye to the beautiful, unbiased randomness, reinforcing the idea of a false fair, a fair which we can gain advantage from, a selfish fair.
Have I started to sound like Thanos? Or maybe the Joker? We can sit and debate what they did and how they did it was wrong. But I’m pretty sure not many people will disagree the way they thought. People are always biased, knowingly or unknowingly. The true fair is absolute randomness, a vivid shade of chaos. Entropy is what drives the universe, and we little creatures at the surface of an inconspicuous planet try to control it, try to contain it. If it comes to eliminating half the population of say just humans, I would much rather count on the random elimination than a single individual or a board of member deciding upon it. When you point a gun at someone’s hear, his idea of fair simply ceases to exist, as its not something naturally wired into us.
But again, we have come a long way into civilization because of the fact we could imagine. Because we could tell lies, so we formed myths and eventually settled down. While the success of a rabbit depends on how long it survives, or how many baby rabbits it produces, we have a whole different scale with a plethora of parameters – money, quality of life, happiness, friends, fame and so on. We are often happy to be in the shackles because we are primed to think it’s the way of life, looking back most revolutionary people were labelled eccentric, cast out or executed for disrupting what the normal norm was then.
Someone goes to the exam hall prepared, but fails to score good marks, while another one cheats and does better. You think life is unfair. Someone commits a crime, someone else get convicted, you think life is unfair. You meet a beautiful partner, way out of your league, or you land a job you never even dreamt of, do you stop to think life is unfair? You might have just bagged something someone else “fairly” deserved. But you are okay with that. Nature is unbiased, nature if fair; it gives the same opportunity, the same resources to everyone, from an innocent child to a vicious serial killer. So next time you feel life is unfair, take a moment to think, “is it?”
On lazy monsoon afternoons, you know the usual romantic and nostalgic setup, I plug in my earphones and I try reduce the volume to the silent chaos all the stares direct at me.
I don't usually leave my playlist on shuffle mode.
Too afraid that a song, from a past, may be distant or not so distant, will fuck over my brain totally.
It will drown me in my sorry little pool of embarrassing anxiety attacks, my social awkwardness scenarios and of course, my conversations with people.
It doesn't matter if I would like these erased from my memory or not.
I simply wouldn't want them to interfere in this present that I've taken a lot of trouble to make me comfortable.
It's all the usual.
I know I'm not the only one dealing with unwanted glimpses from the past in the most unprecedented situations.
But it's weird when a nice favorite song comes on.
It comes in like a breath of air, that is both fresh and stale simultaneously.
For once, you want to let nostalgia or anxiety, whatever the hell it is, to rip your heart out, all the while you embraced that lost familiarity.
That familiarity that leaves you broken and with enough resolve to break your self further.
You dont change the song.
You let it play. Only, you don't sing along this time.
You realise times have changed.
You eagerly wait for the song to finish.
I did that just today.
I let it finish.
I let it pierce my heart where the patches of healing are still visible.
This unwanted familiarity.
This much wanted hurting.
The usual, you know.
//the usual rant//
I am looking for a pair of eyes,
To look deep into mine and smile,
I am looking for a warm hand,
To hold as we walk another mile.
I am looking for a shoulder to cry on,
And a voice calm and reassuring.
I am looking for the rhythm,
That my heart too can follow.
I am looking for an embrace,
To root me through the storm.
I am looking for that soft breath,
Before the alarm blares.
I am looking for a soul,
One that can mend my own.
I am looking for a dream,
A myth, a fantasy.
I am looking for the one,
Who never was, never will be.