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D.I.D: Their words in my head, but actions on my life.

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Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I learned to take in two of the same feelings and turn them into different emotions.

Those two feelings being, "Loneliness" and "Solitary".

I'll never be alone with my alters there to speak to me.

But will I ever be in the hands of the best company?

Who knows...

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I realized I was being stalked when I found a note in my mailbox,
‘Have you noticed me yet?’

It soon escalated from there in the next few weeks.



As I hide in my closet now, I'm confused, as I cut into my arm,
‘Have you noticed me yet?’

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Confused of
Who I am
Hate of
Who I have become
Love of
Things I have done

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Split

Delhi has split personalities
waging a war against each other
within confused confines
of a prismatic existence
altering chameleon expressions

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It evokes in me the feeling :
Your absence chipped off my pleasing mask
Now recultantly I am to wear this mask of grievance.
I wish to discard it
However it desperately wishes to glue to my countenance!

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Dissociative Identity (Dis)Order
(A Tanka and a Reverse Tanka)


Neither is a blame
You've Two spirits in one frame;
One loves me hifi,
And The other loathes me —fie!
Each one has an alter name.

You're my anguish, you're my pain;
You're my solace —ah the grace!
You're hurt and comfort.
Love for me is in excess,
You're out of access!

//Thought for the Night//

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In the mirror's gaze, dual souls entwine,
A person split, a complex design.
One face to the world, another concealed,
A silent conversation, unseen but revealed.

A dance with shadows, a play of disguise,
Two personas within, each with its own ties.
One in the daylight, wears the mask,
While the other, in shadows, freely basks.

Imaginary friend, a companion unseen,
Shared secrets whispered in realms between.
A confidant in the realm of dreams,
Where reality's boundaries tear at the seams.

In daylight's hustle, a facade maintained,
While in solitude, true selves unchained.
Conversations with echoes, a solace sought,
In the sanctuary where the mind is caught.

A delicate balance, a precarious thread,
Two personalities, a symphony unsaid.
Through whispered dialogues, profound,
A harmony of selves, in silence found.

Imaginary friend, a confidant's role,
Navigating the fragments, making them whole.
In the dual existence, a unique art,
A dance of two, where worlds depart.

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If I do close my eyes, what is it that I picture years from now?
Doesn’t one need to understand that before they’re ready to fight for their existence?
How would my future fairy tale unfold? Will I finally connect with those I deeply care for?
Will I reunite with old friends long gone?
See the ones I love find true happiness?
Maybe this future includes people I’d never dream of getting close to. Even make amends with those I have unfairly wronged.
A future that’s not so lonely.
A future filled with friends and family. You’d even be there.
The world I’ve always wanted. And you know what? I would like very much to fight for it

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