sometimes, i wish to sleep
a sleep from which there
is no waking up.

//depression//

-

And, then there are these days
when I notice beauty around me,
in people, in the very essence of being.
I cannot help but feel safe, while the warmth radiates through me and lightens everything
I look at. While I sit there savouring this feeling,
that has become so alien overtime,
I want to dwell in it, explore its every nook and cranny, I am laughing and in that moment it happens, the heart races, the hands shiver, the body is sucked out of every ounce of energy and
I cannot even breath anymore and suddenly
all the light is burned to darkness.

// Depression //

-

A constant state of
sleepful sleeplessness,
forced conversations,
forged laughter,
fudged, genuine smiles.
Every word uttered
pushed out of the mouth
with a non-existent desire
to speak, let alone be heard.
A state of constant chaos within;
a silence sits outside and stares.

-

The dark room doesn't scare me
the blackhole within me does.
The room might light up,
at the touch of light;
the hole within, devours all
letting nothing escape.
A world of worldlessness.
Staring into the infinite emptiness
exhausted within, forsaken outside.

-

At times, when night falls
from dusk to the dreary dark
something drops in me too,
as if drop by drop.
A sudden rush of nothingness
an empty feeling deep
in my stomach, a silent chaos
in the recesses of my
being-less being.
I hear the sounds silence makes.
I see the silhouettes dark paints

-

कुछ गुमसुम अंधेरे हैं
सन्नाटे जो बहोत गहरे हैं
शोर होता है बेहद आसपास
सुनो तो ख़ामोशी, देखो तो सिर्फ अंधेरे हैं

क्यों ज़िन्दगी आखिर ख़ामोश इस कदर है
क्यों हर मंज़र बस रेत बंज़र है
क्यों कोई सुन नही लेता बनकर हमदर्द
एक हाथ दोस्ती का, कुछ दर्द पर मरहम

चले जाते हैं जो वो कायर क्यों हैं
उनकी ज़िंदगी के गम तुमने देखे कब है
कह तो देते हो कि वो बुझदिल हैं
तुममे वो सन्नाटे सुनने का दम है?

-

Isn't it strange, what we know shouldn't be inside us: the guilt,pain and suffering, we always find a way to let it in? Sometimes, it happens in the cold, desolate nights and at others on days when nothing goes right. We cling to it and keep it close, the pain. Is it because that we have come to believe it as something our really own, something that won't leave us even if everything else does?
We always keep it close enough that we go back to it time and again, embrace it, find solace in it, because it is always there. Undying and endless.

-

The fire blazed the inner me
To ashes that I anew cumulate
To daub myself with.
But it burnt me to deep
And there I was left
With a flame of despair again.

-

Despair is what I feel looking at this society,
GDP collapsed but no one actually feels hungry!

Maltreatments taking the place of new normals, masks to prevent COVID19 goes out of trend,
Seems like insensitivity and brutality builds us, and to wait, pity in despair is what the creator trying to extend...

-

Sleepless nights and puffy eyes...
Chamomile tea would help one said...

Little did they know...things were already tried...

Yet the mind couldn't rest and the body wouldn't mind...

Must have tried empathy, instead....❤️‍🔥

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