I have exhausted my patience,
Darkness finds it's way
I fight to create an existence,
I think dreams are my only doorway.

I dreamt of skull & bones,
Fear & Anxiety finds me home
It shatters me in every way
Redefines my existence everyday.

My happiness is a distant mirage
Makes me chase it every now and then,
Distant visions keeps me awake.
The people surrounding me are fake.

I am struck in a never ending loop
Expectations are always one sided,
Chaining my emotions, and belief
Trauma & Anger has made me bled.

My silent cries are none to be answered
I have learnt to mask it with a smile,
My tears have all dried up.

Hey there, reading this
Nevermind, Keep scrolling!
Sorry, for I have wasted your time.

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I have not come too far to lose
Repeating the mistakes, that defines me
With a heart so heavy and lustrous eyes,
I kept myself strong, tried not to cry
The toxicity flows, choking me within
Pressing hard, but I tried getting back again.
Lone and isolated as I have always been
Accustomed to my fate and the chances that I take,
However hard it may seem.
The story revolves, back and forth again
Every cloud has a sliver lining I believe.
I am contented to my shadows
They mock me, curse me,
Break me down
Your hatred fuels my willingness,
Makes me determined everyday,
I promise to become better version of myself
As I find myself further away.— % &

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I had made mistakes in my past,
Buried them in my skin till my days last.
My failures speaks my name
Blunders I have made, shrouds me in shame.
Everyday they remind me of the tragedies I made,
I wish I could undo everything and set it right.

My conscience is dead and my mind is numb
I have no one to understand me
I prefer being dumb.
Success is a mirage, that chokes my senses,
Convinces me, Failures are the 'Pillars of Success'.

I label them with sovereignty & pride
I will repeat them again, & I am damn sure why.
It's a never ending abyss of darkness that engulfs me within
My days are numbered, the clock ticking reminds me again.

I have lived my life to the brink of uncertainty.
Scrutinized by people who are in my vicinity.
The never-ending cycle of judgement,
Questions my existence
Will I ever overcome my fear?
Or, live on believing that I am a 'Failure'?

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I have reached the point in my life
It doesn't excites me what happens next,
Accustomed with people who butchers me
Sedating me with soothing lies.
Walking a long path putting on a fake smile.
I have seen my own, walk away from me,
Siblings treat me indifferently,
Honestly! It doesn't surprise me.
Once I called "Friends", is nowhere to be found
Cursed with a father that never gave me hope.
Criticism and complaints encircles my childhood & adulthood
A part of me has washed away, a change if you might say.
I keep searching for the light in the dark tunnel,
Loosing some part of me everyday
Blinded by my deepest emotions & beliefs
I might have had the slightest taste of betrayal.
The only thing that excites me now,
The new horizon of pain & pleasure that awaits me tomorrow.
My failures haunts me day after day
I find myself in the same place where I once started
I stand there even today.

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As I pen this down line by line,
My inner conscience awakens the thoughts within,
Encircled by shame & regrets,
Traumatized thoughts, grinds me in.
The sins that associates with me,
Piled up like skulls and bones.
Reminds me every now and then,
Accept the wrong deeds that are done,
Or, repent later when everything's gone.

I try to fight a lost battle,
Dominating the wild, but failing again.
The batallions gone, I stand there alone
The harder it gets to recollect my thoughts,
The more havoc I bring to thee.
I ask for forgiveness, I deceive again
Ruthlessness defines me.

I try harder to gain command
I stay numb with the underlying pain.
The doors are shut & no one's around
Corruption creeps gradually within
I get soaked in the dark abyss,
I can sense the silence around
Blindfolded by my pride & anger.
Isolation is the only way that I found.
I am the architect of my own destruction,
My hands are painted red with blood
I embrace my corpse with open arms,
I find myself in peace.

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A cry for help, a shriek of anger
When nobody's around
I feel lost, I start overthinking again.
It's just the demons inside of me
Driving me insane, choking me within.
They make me ponder, they hallucinate me,
"Life is a meaningless journey!
Unload the burden, set yourself free."
The demon chants day and night
The voices echoes in my brain.
Life is a river,
It flows swift and steady
Out of nowhere the turbulence kicks in,
The distorted vision find its way
Like a "Dumb and Stupid" I cry within,
I want to fight, let there be a spark.
The foolishness sets the optimism in me.
Hiding the pain with an amiable smile
Circumstances remains the same for me.
I count my days, waiting for time to change
Hoping for a speedy recovery.

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As I pen this down word by word,
I realise the grave mistakes I've done
The consequences of my blunders speaks of me
Guilty conscience makes me numb.
Society turns their back on me,
Hope is nowhere to be found.
The erroneous genes of my ancestry,
Combined with the toxicity that encircles me
Makes me dull, deceives my mind.
I sit alone and count my days,
I wait for everything to turn right again.
Suppressing the ferocious beast within
I calm myself, seeking peace ahead
Days have gone, years have passed
But the bitterness of my life never gave up.
It follows me now, it hunts me down
Snatches away the hapiness around.
Tests my temper, excites me again
The more I bleed, the faster it breeds
"I'm sick of this, tired of this shit"
Each day is a new beginning.
I fear myself like never before,
I find myself further away, from people of my own.
Each day it gets harder and harder
It's choking me down and killing me within.

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I have travelled a long way,
Wandering in the nightmares of my dream.
Gloomy path, cursed with failures as it may seem
Uncertain of my fate and destiny
I kept moving in circles, round and round
A companion was nowhere to be seen.
Light entered the path but disappeared in the dark
Could I make a difference? Could there be a spark?
I repeated my mistakes one by one
Unfolding the tragedies,
Wrecking havoc for myself and for everyone.
Butchering my emotions and hope,
I was cannibalised by my own.
I found a beacon in my darkest times, a hope for me
A beacon for me, but a regret for the household
Gathering the courage to fight back I stood strong.
With hands held high and fists closed
I march the path ever since then,
Restless and tired as I may seem,
But the will to fight for what's right
Will forever remain as long as the beacon is within.

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I stand there in silence
I watch memories come and go
I am a nomad lost in my dreams,
Patroling the streets paved with bones.
I get flashback of my wretched self,
Haunted & consumed with fierce and hate.
Thousands have walked,
Screamed for help
Their footsteps instils hope within myself.
Failures met and legacies made,
They have set a remarkable grade
"Barge, barge and move ahead,
Make history or be dead."
Everyday the journey resets,
Starting the day with numerous thoughts and regrets.
Challanges don't amuse me anymore.
Consequences might remain the same.
Still I believe there might be a change,
Hope shall never fade.
The only beacon in my darkness,
That guides my path and keeps me awake.
I hide my demons within myself
They eat my patience, I struggle within
I am waiting for the day when dreams turn into reality.
Setting myself free from this chain
It holds me hostage, It triggers more pain,
Every soul is bound to be free once again.
Either you die or you sacrifice in the end
This is your life, play the game
Be a dark horse and emerge victorious
Or, get lost in the dark carrying the blame.

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Let me tell you a story
Not so long,
There lived a boy,
With a firm determination,
And will too strong.
His parents loved him,
Raised him in a shell.
As time passed by
Things turned out different for them.
Nurtured him with ethics and values so well,
Fed him with education to the utmost level.
Enforced upon him,
The principles of life.
Caged his heart with books and morals.
As time grew, the boy became a man,
He fell in love with a woman full of charm.
The only thing that made him smile,
Was talking to her, with a heart full of joy.
They came close, shared their stories
Handicapped was she, tormented was her heart.
They came together, shared the utmost pain of their past,
They fell in love, promised never to depart.
In the meantime or so,
The boy's father came into play,
He didn't liked the girl,
So told the boy to stay away.
The boy was determined,
And prayed to god
"Bestow upon us with happiness and joy,
Unite us forever till death do us apart"
Someday you will realise,
You will cry for your deeds.
Arrogance and ego will bid you goodbye.
Love is not a price to be paid for your pride,
Someday, if tears run down your eyes,
Don't cry for me,
Move ahead with arrogance and pride.

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