OVERTHINKER

On that night with winter winds, hums, and miserable breeze, there he sat, his eyes wandering from right to left up and down all around corners to corners branching a thought to another
a note to a song a word to a poem.

Him with his glances,stands and built, under that moonlit sky with starlights, air filled with warmth and frost, i witnessed his cries, heard his tears, felt his fears.

I became an overthinker
from worrying about the other.

-

FINALLY

I'm scratching away my tears,
I'm laughing out my pain.
I'm falling to my knees,
and I'm all alone again.

I'm spitting out my frustration,
I'm drowning in my cries.
I'm screaming out my torment,
and I'm burning in your lies.

I'm living in my heartache,
I'm singing out my lies.
I'm dying from the memories,
and saying our goodbyes.

I'm cleaning out my memories,
I'm going to try and start anew.
and now that you are finally gone,
i know its something i can do.

-

A STRANGE LAND

Under the black ocean of the sky,
upon a white plain,
crimson rivers flow.
The ceaseless rain,
falling in torrents,
goes unheard.
Beneath the surface,
lies a nest,
where scorpions crawl,
upon poisoned earth.

-

JUST BREATH

Frowning in my sleep,
Eyes too numb to know.
Can’t contain the empty,
Demons start to show.

Happy run on hatred,
Smiles fuels by air.
How do I stop this?
No one is there.

Screams get louder and sharper,
I try to bite my tongues.
But it’s not my own mouth,
Empty fills my lungs.

‘Everyone has a purpose’,
But what am I to them?
Trying to breathe with no air,
Empty on empty again.

-

THE LOST WILL

I want to Google something
I don’t know what

Anything that would distract me
from my forlorn thoughts

I have a lot to do
but I accomplish none of it

I’ll probably end up lonely
somewhere in a pit

Life dealt me great cards
I am just a shitty player

But I can still turn it around
If I find a will somewhere

-

INSIDE

I don’t want to be 28,
I don’t want to be 29,
I don’t want to be anything,
I just want to be gone,
It’s bad enough people have their own issues and feelings,
I don’t want to burden beings with mine,
I’ll just be dead,
Walking dead,
Phase out my emotions,
Whenever they arrive,
So when they see me I’ll be alive,
But dead inside.
I don’t have rights to anger, depression, fear,anxiety;
Nor hurt,
One slip of emotion of otherly meaning,
Can lead to more than just meaning.
I don’t want to hurt,
I don’t want to panic,
I don’t want to be in distress,
I don’t want to cry,
I don’t want to be exasperated,
And I don’t want to die.

-

SMUDGE

Why do I feel like I belong in places I know I’m not supposed to?
In the cracks, in the rawness of reality, I sit in peace.
Such an odd disturbance I am.
It’s only among the odd, among the shadow I feel at ease to just be me.
I was not made for fancy things.
I belong in the dirt and the blood.
I’m no royal beast.
The finer things are wasted on me.
I just want to be left alone.
To not pretend
to not fit in
but to succeed in the mess I am.

-

(Un)mistaken

I was never mistaken in loving you.
The heart wants what it wants.
Sometimes it happens slow,
Like a gently rising slope;
And sometimes all at once,
Striking like an arrow and blinding with it.
Your touch electrified my soul
In a way so rare, I knew what it was.
Your eyes locked with mine, and you had me.
Your smile, your laughter—
An icy gulp of water in the desert.
I was mistaken in allowing my walls down.
Not heartwalls; I no longer had those.
Open like a book, a simple puff of air
Fluttered my pages apart to any word you chose.
I broke down the walls of me,
The establishment of self.
A meek cry, a tiny shadow
Of the booming ostentation of me.
I was never mistaken in loving you;
I was mistaken in not loving me.

-

There's Lot Of Things

There’s lots of things
With which I’m blessed,
My problems have been few,
But of all, this one’s the best:
To have a friend like you.
In times of trouble
Friends will say,
“Just ask, I’ll help you through it.”
But you don’t wait for me to ask,
You just get up and do it!
And I can think
of nothing more
That I could wisely do,
Than know a friend,
And be a friend,
And have a friend like you.

-

Sacrifice everything to make the other person happy.

-