From Venus to Mars,

Dear Mr. Roy,

You will be happy to know that my turbulent early twenties are finally over and as I began my day with the perfect touch of coffee and the paperback edition of hitchhikers guide to galaxy, I felt this innate need to share my life with you and I immediately rushed back to my room to pen this letter down before my work starts, making me forget all the magic that I get to experience...

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From Venus to Mars

Roy,
You know what amuses me the most these days? Memory. It is the constant battle between the blissful now and the blissful past. Have you ever felt like you miss a person when you are at your absolute best, your happy self? I have.. It is like I wish we could be this happy. But fractions after a moment of bliss, I switch on the lights in my memory shelf, feeling out of breath, watching the misery without breaking a sweat outside. Literally! Suddenly finding all my attempts to move on are futile in this moment of tragic bliss. It is like going from sunshine to shade. Shade to memory. The shift is quick but the need consumes me in a black hole where love is no longer about pretty flowers and anticipation of my loved one. It is instead a fearful blackhole that is always there, always present and the moment I step in the memories, I hear the whispers. The whispers of my memories coaxing me gently to imagine you next to me, equally amused. I take a dive in to the land of no return, letting your words replay like a cricket series, until the stark reality stares at me and I wish it was ' we were on a break' instead of 'It is over'.
Love,
Venus.

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#Poem 26
Being Zen.

My nose itches
An ant passes by
Meditation my foot!
I simply want to lie

Hustle outside
Bustling cities
A far sheer cry
But where is my find?

So I give up and open my eyes
Leave it be, this trying out hard.
Watch ants shake hands and honking cars.
Lost in now, listening to my fire.

I stop trying and answer the call
Scratch my nose and find a roll
Imagination. I sure made her happy.
She got a chance to be all chirpy
On a mountain top, I simply sit
I play with plants and realosation hits

Zen is staying at my happy place
Because Imaginations breeds
Reality amidst the race.

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From Venus to Mars.

Dear Roy,

You know I often see people mask themselves as open minded modern families while underneath all the pretence, they still are influenced by a patriarchal society. And when I say people, I mean me too. So, I found a beautiful way to unmask our own selves and check once in a while what our true state of mind is. Just looking at plants gives me a reality check. With Gautam in my life, things have really changed. There is something about a plant that is alive. Its like a two way dialogue where one is in a zen like state. These days I simply observe how the plant seems in my eyes. If I find it sweet, it reflects my nature. If Gautam appears sad, I sit with myself to figure out what is wrong with me. If I feel like throwing Gautam away or plucking the leaves on some days, its a red flag that I need to calm down. Its beautiful how something that has life and zen intertwined together can work as a mirror for our own state. Gautam really is over delivering, not just as an air purifier plant but also as a soul cleanser. I urge you to experience God's love in plants Roy. It has filled up the spaces you used to fill.

Love,
Venus.

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From Venus to Mars

Dear Roy,
I just welcomed a new baby in my world. A peace lily. He is just so gorgeous that I named it as Gautama., an air purifier plant recommended by NASA that caught my interest recently. Its amazing how little water it requires and how much it gives. Gautama is an inspiration to me and reminds me of the days when I used to marvel the way you lead your life, the way you owned love and gave everything to me effortlessly. In a world where people tend to ask for attention, ask for love, seek love. You simply sat in its beauty and let me breathe in its ambience. You never spoke about it but your love came in full throttle. In a force that pushed everything I was made of so far and created a space where I can sense life at its purest, at its fundamental core and feel alive. Judgements were always out of the door with you and the fact that you not only accepted my mistakes but actually enjoyed and laughed at them alongwith me made a world of a difference. I am a better person thanks to you, open to all the possibilities without a shred of fear, deeply rooted in the space you created for me, bubbling with affection within.
Gautama sees it too.

Love
Venus.

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From Venus to Mars.

Dear Roy,

Today I turn 24 years old and for the first time I slept right through the night. If 12 a. m. wishes came true, you would be here right next to me. If 12 a. m. wishes came true, I won't be looking at the first class compartment ahead of the ladies compartment in my train, my eyes searching for you. If 12 a. m. wishes came true my heart won't be this quiet and solemn buried in reality, instead of a pendulam that raises my rythm. If 12 a. m. wishes came true, I wouldn't be wishing for time to go as fast as it could instead of spending an eternity in your eyes. If 12 a. m. wishes came true, Harry Potter would be real and my horcrux will lead to you instead of icecream buckets and lavish treats. So I slept right through my birthday wanting to slip back in time when you met me for the first time. And as I wake up with salty lips smudged with tears, I realise how far I am from my dreams, you are a father now. Here in this time and world calling someone else your baby.
Happy Birthday to me is filled with irony tonight.

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#Poem 25
A teen dream

I wake up at midnight
A watchman with a light
Past the family's snore
Tiptoeing to the kitchen
Some soup and corn
My heart gushes out the door
In search of freedom
In search of a story. An adventure of sorts
I meet nightmares in torchlight
A drunkard lying peacefully is the prayer on my lips.
Mindful of judgemental policemen who drink in my sillhouette, warning about people of their kind, leaving me in tragic splits.
A pathway clear to draw dreams in air is my wish tonight.
Somewhere a DJ is awake just like me and I just might
Dance to the silence, entertaining souls.
But before I step out
I step right back, her worry sold.
Afraid of things my mom warned about.
Burnt out torchlight. Yes she is right.
Snuggle into the comfort of home. Ignoring the calls of my life.
It's a love affair torn not by time, but by people in my time.

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From Venus to Mars

Dear Roy,

I was twenty the last time I saw you and things are different now. I finally learnt to use netbanking and manage my finance the way you suggested. But one thing remains the same.. Its the aura. The aura that is layered thick with my desires. It still follows me everywhere I go. The aura I created around you, for my love, of you. I felt it in a total stranger's brush in a rush packed crowd at the station today. I felt my body respond to the desire. Somehow I carry this aura since I was born and I connected it with you. And now, my eyes laugh at every encounter. I enjoy your love in everything that I smell, touch, see, feel. I just hope you get to feel it too today. A bundle of my thick layered aura with extra memories and slo mo inward smiles, my hands wrapped tightly around your arms and my lips curving upwards thanking the almighty for your birth. You've reached a place where my questions rest peacefully now, knowing your love will find a way through another stranger and I can finally tie our thick layered connection, to another man. But as of today, I am going to sit and dwell in your memories, spinning stories around your touch.

Love,
Venus.

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From Venus to Mars
Dear Roy

Breaking the ordinary and drinking it in has become my way of survival since you left. I now seek solace in now, where my head is safe and not pondering about whether you sleep on the left side of the bed 'cause I liked the right. This got me thinking of the last three years and how I overcame your loss. And I realised that it was always my girls. Remember how they show in tv commercials about catfights and stuff, well let me tell you that it's all so made up. I had my girls, from mom to sister to friends and strangers. Some empathised, some worried, some marvelled at our unique love story, some gave me a shoulder and some a slap, some told me you don't deserve me and yet others the power of moving on, some listened and cried and some understood my silence. A family flourishes with a girl leading, having the entire flock as my family, stepping away from your side was bearable.

So, tonight when you sleep next to your partner, I hope you thank the entire womanhood who complimented my looks, my intellect, my care and treated me like an IPL win everyday because they are the reason for the snore next to your side.

Love
Venus

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From Venus to Mars
Dear Roy
I stood up for myself for the first time today. I am going to turn 24 this coming month and I fought the biggest battle known to me. The one with an overdramatic Indian family blinding their precious girl from the horrors of the world, especially when you have obeyed everything that was said to you. Well almost everything.(Wink). It was a big fat battle I tell you where my parents scolded, pleaded, manipulated and even tried to pass on their fear. I experienced first hand what it feels to be living in an educated upper middle class families with orthodox roots. It is a nightmare to stand up for oneself, being a child whose dream is the happiness of their parents. But you know with 2021, a new idea dawned upon me. The one that if I believe in something that excites me to the core, if I know it is good for me, I will fight every goddamn battle that stands in the way.

I am sorry for taking enormous time that eventually drove you away, time to take the risk of being honest with me.

Now don't be too shocked if you see a young girl alone, opening her apartment to the view of a kitchen garden right in the middle of a home that smells freedom.

Love,
Venus.

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