Fears

(read in the caption below)

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It's Autumn again,
but fall outside
doesn't help the insides of me to let go....

(Read in the caption below)

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Two skies, one tommorrow,
And a tipsy moon, high on despair.


(Read in the caption below)

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Neither Here....nor There,
perhaps in Somewhere of Nowhere,
or maybe...of Everywhere...

Neither Sincerely yours....nor Faithfully mine,
perhaps a Moment of Stillness
in transient time...

Neither the acceptance of right...nor the pretence of wrong delusion,
perhaps a Blurred Reality in their Clear illusion...

Neither completely Iost...nor exactly known
perhaps an eternal lie in that ultimate truth, owned or disowned...

Neither that dark tint...nor that streak of light,
perhaps that subtle yet so obvious blend at the hour of twilight...

Breathing somewhere between I am and I am not,
I exist...or perhaps not...

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When grief runs through veins,
it clots your present in a clumsy lump of past.
And you find yourself running back and forth the aisles of your memory,
accounting for days, more darker than your nights.

There are so many things I crave to unlearn,
And so many people I wish to meet, yet again.
The other day I was discussing an old friend of mine with a new one,
Confessing all those bottled up emotions, which perhaps have found their habitat, in some unnoticed corners of my heart.

And over the years, perhaps we all settle for things unnoticed and places unknown,
A Passer-by, that is what, you are....to me and I am...to you.
But some people, pass by too soon for a proper good bye,
Or maybe, some "byes" can never be called good.

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Sometimes....I do feel like a theatre of borrowed personalities,
Handcuffed and victimised by my own expectations.
There are days that have witnessed my "Choices" contradicting my "Likes".
Behaving like those long parted lovers, who claim to know each other and yet end up as strangers.

There are days when my mind try telepathy with my heart,
Along with running errands of emotions up and down.
But mind can't simply unlearn, what it has learnt all these years,
Whereas, Heart find it difficult to fall for things it can't beat for...

Even though, I set a table for two by the end of the day,
I still doubt, whether the Characters of my story will ever share a plate of opinions....

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I have known
this art of making boats of grief and guilt for quite some time,
and see them swirling and struggling
in the pools of my memories.
There are some nights as dark as the colour of my ink,
when this humongous flux of emotions, fails my vocab.
And I set out....to steal words from every poet and poem I encounter,
sneaking into their phrases and metaphors in an effort to draw analogies.
For Science has convinced me of a frequency where things resonate,
And Literature left me wondering, how sonnets written for one can be dedicated to many .

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Assembling back, the long broken fragments of mine,
I despise myself to admit, that each one of them still reflects you.
I wonder, you stepped into my word as my "Nepenthe",
But now, I stink with the pain you bestowed.

The realisation of loosing my "I", in the efforts to please your "You",
suffocated me to the hell of my imaginations.
I always wanted to cherish our individualities in our togetherness,
On the other hand, you were morphing me to your inclinations.

I sip your every well spoken lie,
to the extent I start hating myself for being a drunkard.
You made me a puppet out of your own fantasies,
depriving me of my freedom to breathe freedom anymore.
And here I am, with my shattered pieces,
trying to fix them back to their true self.....

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Maybe I choked or felt suffocated coz I inhaled the wrong damn things.
But the question is, do right even exists?

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Once seeked, can't be always seeked...
Once cherished, can't be always cherished...
Not always...does the destiny decides direction,
But more than often, we end up appreciating East in the approach of North or maybe in the dislike of South...

And Of late, this realisation hit upon me hard, "Forevers" just like for people and things, do not exist for your dreams too.
And we, the great people, are not only victims but also guilty of "misjudged perceptions" of maybe our very own before the people around...
Afterall, faking falseness appeals more than accepting truths these days...
Or maybe destinations had always weighed down the interpretation of directions, here in this world....

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