Crazy Thought

We could actually be happy
He could have the life he dreams
Of his desires
Imagine.

And for me,
I get to build exactly what I want
Is this happiness even possible?
No more struggling
No more surviving
Instead we are living
If I blink I might miss it

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When I first arrived
Seeing the flames along the cross
Candles igniting such a light
There was no peace within me
As if the pain was loudly shouting
Words I could not hear
Of my own suffering and of His
Intertwined in a way
Taking my breath away
Beyond tears, sitting entranced
I felt myself almost fall
Transfixed
Until the pain absorbed itself
Disappearing and turning
As someone who knew me released me
So familiar was his presence
And closer than I knew before
The flames lit my soul on fire
Into joy from pain
And I need less explanation
As life only brings more questions!
But, here he is,
Alive in my soul

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Finally getting to love my son
Sending him away properly this time
No one in the way
Judging me

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The Single Mom

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Falling

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there is something about him, what is it, I am so drawn and pulled in
Some thing in his eyes, just feels
Like this beam shining
From a place I want to know
And for now simply drawn to
Able to not lose myself just yet
But in the catch
When found just right
Only enhances each
Never taking just adding
Just falling into something
Ever so delightfully slow,
Not slow, but perfect
Neither fast nor slow
Gently, our doors open

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I believed you were telling me the truth
When you told me you were sorry,
That you actually did not say that,
That I did not hear you,
Understand you,
Or that you would never hurt me.
I believed you,
Because I trusted you.
I trusted you as I thought you were God's will for me
How could God bring me a liar?
Who beared false witness
With cold silence
Putting me down for ever doubting you
I believed you
Because I thought he chose you
And now
I am free
Still believing in magic

-

Take Adderall
Use a planner
Stop pointing out the squirrels
Focus

Okay, I hear you.
For me, ADD is being super alive

Super aware of all the moments
Of all the distractions and the details

It's noticing how someone holds a pencil
Hearing a door creak
Feeling the moment
In its rawness
Yet, forgetting to listen to what they said,
Repeating back all
Trying
Trying so hard to piece it all together
Being afraid of missing it all
Feeling exhausted overstimulated
Totally alive!
All in one day.

And behaving getting up to do it again and again
It's using the planners
All the tools, even the meds if it helps
And finally pronouncing it your beautiful life.
In all it's impossibilities
Without comparison

No I'm not high.
I'm ADD.
I was literally born this way.

-

Here we are
Here we go

-

As I go to sleep exhausted
I can't help but be thankful
God gave me this gift of listening
Of being a counselor
I think about the money
The work
How to live and do this!?
But right before me are these people
These clients
These miraculous people
Who bravely and silently in secret
Make the world a better place
By facing their conscience
By trying day after day
To bring out their best
What a joy to witness

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