I hold the crude form of everything,
It kills me I think...
I hold all the hatred as solid poison,
maybe try to let some out as I blink.
And I had to try hard to let you touch,
Every time you decide to caress a mark.
Thought every pain was melting,
but the colour always got dark.
It's always been a lousy fix,
whenever I tried to lie.
Maybe its a phase, maybe I can fix it,
but how can I erase a destined bye.
I hate that I lost you,
I hate it more that I hate it.
And all this makes me so incredibly heavy,
that I wish to fall and die in a pit.
And rot there until I lose everybit of you,
Or Until maybe I disappear out of reach.
But how can I kill a body that doesn't bleed,
Lips that refuse to smile and eyes that act like bleach.
Maybe its just my weakness,
I hate how I can't show how much it hurts...
How did you make me so scared of myself,
How did you make me so used to hurt?
As I hold the crude form of everything,
It kills me I think...
I hold all the hatred as solid poison,
maybe try to let some out as I blink.

-

Let's pretend we belong to eachother,
more than we can admit.
Let's pretend we reside in this endless separation,
distance and time actually doesn't exist.
Because keyboards may translate soft taps to words,
But it won't do justice to the years I spent searching for you.
How you slowly filled voids in me;
Trust scars,childhood wounds,half empty beds & daunting library queues.
There's fear of momentarility in me,
I have fought "forever" forever.
But if this feeling is here to be,
Then I will pretend I am stronger than ever.
I will melt my flesh and break my bones to dissolve,
in this symphony of whatever you are.
Let me pretend that you know that I love you,
And these hundreds of kilometres aren't so far.

-

How do you hide those blemishes,
those deep fresh wounds,knives could never cause.
Intresting how your scream doesn't has a sound,
how you lie without taking a pause.
Its not blood, it venom,
Venom you have always poured into your glass.
You hide all those random bruises,
which give yourself when thoughts flash.
Tie yourself now,
haven't you been loving your incapability.
I think these bleeding veins are less painful,
than letting yourself get drown in feeling guilty.
You hate yourself,Don't you,
Its quite inspirational how you lie.
Dont say i love you once again,
because you want to conceal in it a hard goodbye.
How do you hide those blemishes,
those deep fresh wounds,knives could never cause.
Intresting how your scream doesn't has a sound,
how you lie without taking a pause.

-

//Hard to love//


A different take on love and insecurities


By Tithi (Sharmistha Debgoswami)






Swipe>>— % &Baby I know I am hard to love,
As I hold strings of dread in my fingers,
the colour of silence on my lips.
The shadow of our intertwined fingers untangles me but,
with each breath we take,
I feel the water rise; neck deep.
I tend to hold on to things longer than I should,
Your hand the first time we met,
your words when for that brief moment you left.
I remember you touching my scars and tearing up,
You Said, "I hate these",
that's the most love I have ever felt.
You kissed my cheeks.
Did you taste the sea?
Those salty tear waves,
With that hoarseness, scars leave.— % &I use my heartbeats to muffle my screams,
but I scream with my fingers.
On inked and graphited papers,
also in those sore dreams.
I remember you trying to find the courage,
to look into my eyes,
you knew my lesioned soul.
When you pulled me into your embrace,
Did you feel nothing as you held hollowness?
Those shut-down feelings...
With that soul long lifeless.
How do you love a person who isn't there?
Is "no feelings" for "feelings" ever fair?
— % &I close my eyes,
I still feel your fingers on my neck.
During the exchange of whispers and silence,
did your patience ever break?
I kept scribbling with my fingers on your back,
Did you read the poems I wrote there?
Those in unrhymed verses...
those stories I would never share.
I felt pretty when you moved your fingers on my scars,
It's impossible to feel ugly with a part of you on my skin.— % &
I know you fight with me when I say that I lack,
& I keep bending ideas to feed my insecurities.
Thinking how can the canvas of my life
ever be manipulated when I tainted it black.
I know you feel sad when I say I wanna write poetry,
Poetry is pointless when you can see through me so well.
I lie that I have a broken heart,
You know that I am a broken person.
I lie that I have been existing in my words from start,
You know I still don't believe that I exist.
I lie that I am scared of my memories,
You know I am scared to remember you are the person I love.
It's ok to finally accept that I have hurt you,
Baby I know I am hard to love.— % &

-

Let me imagine the hell; oh I see the same color in your eyes.
Your face spills out the truth, and your tongue still lies.
You knew where you belonged when you laid those hands on me,
Let me imagine hell, to see you burn in the lava sea.

-

The tree of knowledge, big and bright;
its filled with stories we haven't heard.
But who said the knowledge contains things that are right!?
& not the dark truths we fear to face, in its branches stirred.

-

You know the art of destruction;
I will let the world know and scream my lungs out.
I am already at the loss for breaths so...
Don't worry I won't denounce you long.

I will die gasping for air one day,
I hope you remember you killed me...
that your every word like venom runs in me;
I hope you remember you killed me.

I wonder if anything else will ever hurt,
as much as this does.
Cause god I feel my every part aching,
and it doesn't Stop.

But as you mean I am Bound through this,
this pain and its residual burning tension.
Cause you bore me,
and you know the art of destruction

-

Sometimes I look at you, You'd the love I always idolise.
Words stitched with flowers, even anger in the sweetest disguise.
I look at you now as the sky has changed,
how didn't the destiny blend!?
I loved you so purely beloved,
what did it take for this love to end?

-

The world is beautiful as magnificent as flowers,
I am the whorls holding the petals, instances of chaos run tied to my waist.
I hold the petals but i am in love with winds,
I believe in letting free in chaotic but naturally absolved days.
Is it betrayal if I choose to let go of the aesthetic beauty oneday?
Is it betrayal if i let my inner vulnerable yet vigorous power play?

-

Yes, Even with all the evil darkness; world is still such a beautiful place. But Alas! I have lost my eyeballs to the evil... Its only the dark I can see anymore. I and my poetry are the part of world afterall.

-