Dear Tuffy
Today marks one of the hardest days of life , as you are no longer with us, leaving us empty and our heart filled with tears and longingness for you. I can never pen down what our family is feeling right now. I was just 12 when you stepped into our home.You filled our home with colours and positive vibes. You were the one who brought luck into our home, with you. You were a brave brave soul, tuffy. A true fighter having being lived your life fully and comfortably. Just three days ago , when you stopped eating food and stopped being yourself, we refused to believe that you were aging too. Our house feels empty now. You always gave us love love and just love and took care of us. You were our hope, our sunshine. May you find peace in heaven. Please forgive us if we ever troubled you. :(
Love love love.
Rest in peace you beautiful soul.
31.12.2005 - 22.04.2020-
Some of the days are not pretty.They are tough to survive. Suddenly everything around us stops making sense. You start questioning the origin of every microorganism around you. It gets difficult to recognise your own mirror image. Irritation, anxiety, anger , stress and every other emotion become extreme and all the positivity suddenly drops to zero. The difference between the kind of person you were months back and the person you have become now keeps widening. It seems like the world around you is getting upside down and you are just lying beneath it with your thoughts, plans , emotions, everything twisting. You stop counting on the blessings and start focusing on the reasons for the change. But, you know, it gets better.You have to trust the endings. Or you can just hope.
-
Love hits you at the wrong time in the wrong place
Love calls for sanity and space
Love doesn't grow when kept far away.
It's Neither a perfect book nor a hot cup of tea on a rainy day
Love isn't adorned with rose petals kept on the bedside.
It is a bedlam of noise running inside.
Love makes you feel loved and alone. Sometimes both. Together.
Neither it's a fairytale nor a happily ever after.
Love doesn't rise with a hope. It settles down and gets lost in a labyrinth.
Love lives and then leaves . Everything happens within a blink.
Some still call it love and some wish it never was.
-
You are gone leaving my heart sink , making me feel empty and wreaking havoc on my sleep.
Clinging on to your memories and reading unsent letters again, any healer for this silent pain?
Dumping myself in the darkest corner of the house hoping you will come back and save me from all the woes.
How many more weekends will I screw? Just emptying beer bottles and watching ps I love you?
Here. Have my heart. Break it again.
Because all I have is your love, the only thing that still remains.
-
So, Neither I try to map your name in the night sky
Nor do I hug your T-shirt and sleep
I have stopped draining myself
Of wobbly thoughts
That doesn't begin and end with you.
of Roses
That smells different now
Of you
Well, you were not even mine
Like a forlorn hope
It doesn't hit anymore
The pain, Your memories, Thorns, Autumn,
You?
It just doesn't.
I am growing.
I am healing.
Because "We" never will.
-
I have a fading memory of you
In bits and pieces.
On the painted brick walls and the fallen chinar leaves.
As I hold few and keep them in my books ,the ones you gifted me.
I have a fading memory of you
It has the perfect stubble and a melodious voice
As your lullabies help me sleep every night.
I have a fading memory of you
It speaks of politics & theories of Karl Marx
All I think is of your brightened eyes
When you try to explain to me about bourgeoisie and proletariat.
I have a fading memory of you
It doesn't lie
And it doesn't change with time.
-
You know about my sleeping routines and all my midnight cravings.
You also know how I like to spell certain words and how I roll my R's when I speak about foreverrrrr.
But, when on certain days you fail to notice the monosyllabic words in my conversation, the 'love' or whatever you call it begins to sink a little.
You even know how that tub of chocolate icecream from the opp road shop is all i need to end my terrible day.
But, when on rainy nights, I let my emotions flow through and I hold you and ask you on which side of the line are we? Is it Love or whatever you call it?
You take a step back and your straight 'No' pierces right through my skin and smashes a part of me.More than just a little.
So why don't you just pause everything for a while, come closer to me, take that struggling leap of faith and try to embrace my vulnerability more than just my habits?-
The promise that was made now lies under the pile of dust.
The hope that we clinged on to for so long now never sees the sun.
The love that I thought was real changed it's route before it could reach us
Have we come too far? Or everything has just been paused?
You blame it on the time.
And I will always blame her.-
Hum toh aaj bhi usi aasmaan key tale hain
Tera rutba kya badla tune apna chaand badal diya-
Kabhi yun hi baithey likh dete hain
Kuch panne teri yaad mein
Agar kabhi hum na miley
Toh uss kalam sey pooch lena haal hmara-