Baatein

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Do you ever want to say a lot, but words just don’t come to your mind?
There might be a million thoughts inside your mind but you are not able to give words to them.
There might be a thousand emotions you are feeling but you just can’t express them.
That is what is happening with me right now.
I want to say a lot but I just don’t know where to start.
I sat to write it all down because it is what makes me feel at peace the most but I just can’t.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs but for what I don’t even know.
I want to cry on someone’s shoulder but the question is on who’s?
My heart is sinking and I just don’t know how to make it stop.
My head feels so heavy yet this brain won’t just turn it off.

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I wonder what it would be, to live a life that is carefree.
To be able to sit idly for a while and not having to think twice.
I wonder what it would be, to not be misunderstood constantly.
To be able to speak without any fear and not having to face any criticism.
I wonder what it would be, to be loved unconditionally.
To be able to be myself freely and not get my heart broken eventually.
I always wonder what it would be, if all my thoughts came to reality.
To be able to get up each day with a mind that is at ease and always feels lively.

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you don’t even want to talk to me.

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I was stupid.
I was stupid when I thought you would change.
I was stupid when I gave you so many chances to do things the right way.
I was stupid when I waited for your call or text everyday.
I was stupid when I trusted you to fulfill the promises that you made.

But now I am done.
I am done being the girl who’d wait for you the entire day just to cry herself to sleep.
I am done being the shoulder you could use to cry on whenever you’re in need.
I am done being the girl who used to trust you blindly.
I am done being the girl who always chose you, religiously.

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And soak in their beauty.
Hand in hand laying side by side
Staring into each other’s eyes and not saying a word.
Being there, just in the moment,
And letting the breeze carry away all our woes and misery.
That’s what I would call serenity.

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खुश रहना ही भूल गई हूं।

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Saying sorry for a mistake, and never repeating it again.

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अब बस बहुत हो गया।
कब तक तुम्हारे आगे गिड़गिड़ाते रहूं?
अब मेरे सब्र का बांध टूट गया है।
तुम भी तो कभी मेरी बात समझो
या हर वक्त मैं ही समझती रहूं।
तुम भी तो कभी अपनी गलती मानो
या हर बार मैं ही पिसती रहूं।
हर बार मुझे गलत ठहरा देते हो
कभी मेरे नज़रिए से भी सोचा करो।
नाराज़ होती हूं तो मुझे मनाने की सोचो
ना की मुझसे बात करना ही बंद कर दिया करो।

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I'm thinking about death a lot more than often these days...
Is it normal? I don't know.
Is it depressing? I am damn sure it is.
Death feels like the solution to everything going around.
But at the same time, It feels like a betrayal to the people I am bound.
Maybe they'll miss me. Maybe they'll not.
Maybe they'll cry for a day or two and then move on.
Finding solace in death also feels like the cowardly thing to do.
But nothing motivates me to live, that is true too.
Maybe I'll be valued once I am gone.
But maybe there'll be a good cheer, that I am no longer around.

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