On some nights, when the silent chaos gets far too turbulent,
I sit in the moonlight and watch the sharp blade slit through my tender skin.
I smile through the crimson pain, for I know this is the only thing I own. This pain, the cut, the blood they are all mine. And you can't do anything about it...

I wish I had learned to hate people.
Then I wouldn't have to hurt myself for every time someone let me down or broke promises.

But then it doesn't matter, right?

-

She was a little girl, so full of innocence and love.
And you promised her the world, you promised to stand by her.
But now, through scars that no longer bleed,
And eyes filled with tears of agony, unshed as always,
She knows your "Always and Forever" was a lie
A lie you told her simply so that you could watch her small world break in pieces
Yes, you broke her trust in humanity, in dreams, in promises, in people...
Yes,
But now it doesn't matter; none of it matters
For she's all set to go on her way to someplace else
Someplace where neither you nor anyone else can lie to her, looking into those trusting, innocent eyes...
And I am happy that she is going
I am happy for her, for I know,
At the other side of the river
She will find her peace, her "always and forever"

But I have one question for you, "Will you ever be able to forgive yourself for what you did, what you told her?"

-

We need to realize that every social relationship is pure geometry at its base.
For your own peace of mind and personal wellness, it's vital to draw a circle around yourself. The radius may vary from person to person, but there must be a final circle around you - your mind and body in a sacred space.
Choose your boundaries wisely and make sure to keep them secure.
Because you can't keep giving, adjusting and comprising endlessly.
You too are human and that circle is a simple reminder of that fact.

-

Sometimes I wonder if I am drifting in the quantum realm - with no sense of time or space...
Scars burst open to life
And I relive the nightmares of yesteryears over and over again...
Screams go unheard, in my head
And deep in my heart, I hear the voice of an innocent Little Child
Seeking assurance that soon things will turn for the better.
What do I tell the child, when I myself have no idea how things will turn out to be...?

-Inara

-

In the growing darkness, a nauseating silence
I feel the glass cut through my soft skin
The cool sanguine tears dripping, flowing past my wrist
I relish this pain - mundane
The burn and cold take my mind away
From the chaos of a weeping heart
I have bared my soul to the Infinite Universe
I surrender in complete acceptance, unquestioning as ever...
And breathe, I am at ease now
Having marked one more atrocity
In a silent scar
Drip dripping...

-

She let the exploding grief engulf her
Living each moment of pain and loss
As the jagged shrapnels pierced through every aorta of her body
She wished she had some tears to wash over her raw peeling heart
But her eyes were blank - empty and dry
All she could see were the kaleidoscopic hues
Of those moments gone by
Moments they had witnessed together,
But now they would be only hers
Nightmares about to ruin countless nights filled with a strange, piercing loneliness...
Could she have gone back and changed something - anything?
If at all just to buy him some more time, she wondered.
But then their last conversation echoed through the silence
"Promise me that you won't look back. Promise me you will follow your dreams until you reach your destination."
How could she deny his last wish?
She let the pain course through her blood
Allowing the ravages of grief to drench her
For she knew
Long lay the jagged path to follow...
Keep going...

-

In a world that thrives on lies, the truth isn't just a revolution. Speaking the truth is an act of rebellion. Here, truth is but a dangerous weapon.

-

I look back, taking a stroll down the Memory Lane and I realize so much has changed - I am no longer that carefree, crazy little girl. There are chunks missing in those memories... I wonder where they are, what they were as I wonder who I was and how I became who I am now...
But none of it matters, since I know, in the pursuit of dreams, I have willingly made the trade-off, cut many strings and chosen this path.
Yet, there are those fleeting moments when I wish I could retrace my steps and snatch a few of those happily crazy moments...

-

And someday, the flames will rise,
High, bright and fiery
An ominous beauty, a ressurection, a metamorphosis
When from that scalding dancing fire
Will rise, a Phoenix - reborn
Unlike what she was,
She will be both fire and ice
You shall crave the burn
Fear the cold
And yet her eyes will be filled with a blinding light
That would tell the world that here she was - again
Only, this time there would be no turning back...

-

There are so many things that I miss, but amongst all that I miss my beautiful rainbow umbrella which Dad had brought for me when I was two.
I loved it a lot and even when I grew older and could no longer use it, I still used to keep it in my room because I loved it so much.
But then, I remember, I was seven years old and one of my Mom's cousins had come visiting. She had a one year old daughter and she didn't want to let go of my umbrella. And Mom let her take it.
I couldn't say no, because I knew that was bad manners. But that night I cried myself to sleep. And I still miss my little rainbow umbrella.
Now my Mom's cousin's daughter is grown up and she is really nice. But I never got to like her coz whenever I see her I remember she was the one who took my beloved rainbow umbrella.
I know it sounds silly, still I can't get over it, even though it's been like 20 years now.

-