"कि मैं सुखी अकेली टहनी हूँ
या शायद सांसें चल रही हैं मेरी
हां एक गुच्छा पत्तियाँ अभी भी हरी हैं मेरी
पर मैं हूँ यहाँ, बेजान, अकेली सड़क किनारे सीमेंट के बचे खुचे कचरे से... इसे कचरा कहूँ या मिट्टी, क्या मालूम...

पर वहीं सड़क के पार एक हरी भरी से लहलहाती कली है
उसकी किनकनी सुनती हूँ तो हैरान हो जाती हूँ
यूँ अकेले तो वो भी है
मेरे जैसी मिट्टी भी नहीं है वहां
बस टाइल की एक दरार, और शायद इतना ही काफी है खुश होने को 🥹"

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I talk to myself and often think
Should I not be doing something I love

or should I be in search of that happiness, I couldn't build for myself?
I often feel this itch,a feeling so tense
I feel something missing and then it fails to make any sense.
I crave alone time, but I mind being left ?
A chaos of words, the sound of keypad
I hope to stay sane while insanity hits bad!

-

Yes!
There are weekends, you wish you have!
For?
Oh! No no not for the weekly grocery shopping!!
No no...
Not for the usual Mall visit!
Nope!
Yes , you wish to use it for that trip!
And you say two days are less?
Yes , that's true !
You can't go Goa
It's not the season
It's not the friends
It's not the plan
It's not the budget

It's just the will!

The one that is "Dead" inside
The one that was lost right after convocations of many
The one that decided to die everyday
Under the heavy 13 hours
Oh , 9 for some
For the sake of an annual appraisal
The soul that lost its charm
The soul that forgot to write
The soul that types now

Qwertyuiop
Qwertyuiop!!!

-

Heard it’s raining outside!

Heard it's raining outside?
Actually just realised it actually is !!!
Guess where did I see?
At the big window panes of my office..

Yes, you can just see the droplets dripping by the glass
You could feel trapped
You wish you could feel the rain
You wish you could smell the earth
You wish you could drench yourself in the fresh breeze
You wish you could hear the silence
And you end up feeling the chaos
You end up smelling the machine coffee
You end up drenching in the blue light
You end up hearing "Sounds great"

Yes!

This is the life at least I have chosen for now
This is the work most of us do now

Well!

At least my office has glass panes
At least I can see the setting sun
At least it's not that I can't sense evenings
It's just that I can't take a long walk!!

-

4 AM

It's 4 Am and I am still awake
I thought it was worth a stake
To stay little quiet and stay little away
From the chaotic world I refer as my play

It's probably my anxiety not letting me sleep
Making me scroll groceries deciding what to keep
I did get up had some soda and some tea
Oh! I get that , doesn't help sleep you see!

Well I stared outside the window, it's raining and it's dark
I didn't mind a flight but I ain't Wane or Tony Stark
I close my eyes, I take a deep breath
I hear the chaos what's life what's death

I think I feel my soul, it's warm yet stiff
Near my heart, maybe inside or just at its cliff
At the verge of leaving or staying with a sigh
I sit straight now I wonder if I admit why?

Can I just not focus on the need to rest
And reduce the burden I did put on my chest 
Let's go on a walk and forget the clock
Just me and my heart, maybe a little talk?

No no that's a bad idea, steps in my mind
Don't get me wrong, but you know what you gonna find!
You know how you are afraid of the dark streets 
You really wanna risk and forget how well it treats?

Alright, maybe some coke....tea..water...
Nope! Bad idea again!
So sleep it is?
Oh! Wait let's go over again !

-

Oh dear moon, but guess what she planned next
Nothing to lose she decided to fight for the best!
And just like you, she tried everyday and night
In a hope for the things to get right!

One day she looked loving and glowing as you
And every 15 days she changed just like you
Her heart shrinking and lips smiling bright 
She decided to simply live with her plight !
I was not so happy with all what humans do
But oh dear moon, what do you do?
Just like a woman you have your mood swing
And then they say, we all women cling !

-

Oh Dear Moon

Oh dear moon, are you afraid of the noon?
Did Earth promise to love you in its darkest nights but cunningly left you in the day?
Did you feel betrayed?
Did you not feel whole and the day was no moon
I felt hurt how could it happen so so soon :(

But dear moon, did you know humans are more smart
They break their promises often and start a new start!
Oh, yes that's what you do too! 
Every month you start afresh!

But dear moon is it the worth?
Does earth really knows the dearth 
Or is it too like humans
Who pretend to love to care and then move on?

Because last night when you were not in the sky
I could clearly hear that woman next door cry
Hit silently by her husband, she hid her scar
I wonder if they started like this at the altar
I heard he was sleeping with someone not his wife
He yelled and bullied her, threatened with his life!

Oh dear moon, don't get scared, loss is not his side
As he is just abusing and mocking threats with pride!
Oh dear moon, did I tell what did his wife?
She cried in guilt and wondered who was meant for that knife!
She blamed herself for not being young anymore
Decided to end her plight therefore!

-

I need good weed
I need good weed
I want it quick, I want a good kash
No, I am not in a rush, but I am in a hush

For I need that sigh that I relate with the kash
Wow! I feel so weak, yet I feel so strong
I feel homeless while I sleep in soft sheets
I wanna run away, I don’t want to be touched

For I wish to be free , a Bitch for that matter
A Bitch who paints all day , or a Bitch who sniffs pot
A Bitch who do poetry or makes people laugh
But first I want weed; good fucking weed!

Nope not withdrawal, if that’s what you think
I have barely seen weed in a long time
They say “Your Love is my drug baby”
But that too is far gone!

So it’s just me and I need good fuckin weed
Crushed precisely, take out all the seed
Rolled into perfection, held the way I need

Puffed smooth, exhaled smooth
The kash that eases the pain
The kash that takes the worry
The kash some call Mahadev..
The kash is all I need !
Damn that good fucking weed!

-

They say to live in the present!
I say memories haunt !
For you can never get back happily with a toxic ex,
No matter he changed or what!
For he will be perfect for someone new,
And so will be you !

-

Ruthi kyu hai mujhse raat
Aisi bhi kya Hui thi baat
Bs yahi kaha tha deinge sath
Hathon me honge hath

Fir hua kya tha us raat
Kaaynaat ho maano paas
Fuck ! I was looking so pretty
And he didn't even say I looked so

Jaan ho meri, bola tha usne
Saath rahunga kaha to tha
Fir chuppi aisi kyu thi
Fir sannata kahun ya shaanti?

Sannata khalta hai mujhe
Aahat ko kaan taraste to hain
Saath dene ka bolke akele shod dena
Aur ladki jaat aaj bhi abla hai ?

Hogi shayad, kya maloom
Pr bebasi bhi ajeeb hai sahiba
Bistar pe takiye me chup Jane ki tamanna
Aur fir vo thandi aah leke bol dena
"khair jaane do "

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