After this year
I wanna live a high school life like those movies showed me.
It's fine if it's not romantic ,I wanna live a stress-free but still hardworking and memory filled happy life for atleast 4-5years with the same people upto the point that I cry just on the thought that it's going to end soon.
I wanna live and grow and develop myself while I still enjoying the moment to its limits.
I don't wanna giveup. I'm not going to giveup.
I'm going to start living a life I'm content of.
I'm going to start living a life to a point where if I had to die in few minutes,I wouldn't be spending those regretting for things I could've done but didn't/did differently but instead smiling at how just a simple thought today changed the way I see everything and how it made me happy .

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They ask "Why do you blame yourself for the breakup?"

Me - I knew I didn't mean it. I knew I shouldn't have done those. I knew doing such things would literally mean the end of our relationship. I knew I'd never forgive myself after what I was about to do.
But I did those anyways ..
But I said those anyways..

And what more should I need to make me blame someone else?

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I hate myself and feel pity for myself at the same time soo much that I'd brozone myself lol.

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I'm not afraid to walk the world alone. I'm afraid that I'll not have anyone at the end.
-saivishnu©

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Today , i heard a song which says,
"Na chahiye tumse zyada , tumse kam nahi .."
and it hit me the way dinasour's meteor hit the earth..

// Milegi to sirf tum, chahiye aur kuch nahi..

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Am I afraid? Okay, I am. But afraid of what? Knowing too much? Too little? Nothing at all? What if I'll know something I don't deserve to know? What if I'll not know what I am deserved to?
What if all I know are lies?What if truth is staring right at my face and i am not able to see it? Then, am I a lie?
Do I even exist?

-saivishnu©️
//inspired from my fav show of all time
#mrrobot

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A part of me says to end myself but a part of me says to stay .
One claims to end all the pain , other says to dare.

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Honestly ,
(Some small motivation to myself)

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They say , listen to your inner voice , the voice of your own god( you) but truth is that inner voice doesn't exist , it is nothing but your mind indirectly giving you the correct decisions. Why indirectly? Why not it be the only decision?
It can't because your mind knows that this option is going to hurt you a lot , so it goes to the safer side but deep down inside , it doesn't want you to suffer later because of it, and wants you to go against it's own decision to have a better but risky life which you deserve..
maybe , just maybe

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