Everyday it gets harder.
Everyday it's like a nightmare
progressing on.
Everyday is another prayer
echohing from my bones
asking God
to take me now.
Everyday I close up more.
Everyday it gets more impossible.
Everyday I feel myself die some more.
Everyday I lay on my bed
wondering how
I'll leave this hell.
I've never felt so much pain.-
Maybe
Maybe I'm looking for the wrong place
The soul has drowned
It hits me
Water is what I seek
But the surface is solid
creating a mirror
I stare at the reflection
Her dead eyes meet mine
Invoking another fake smile
I'm on my knees
Clenching my fist
But it's useless
Just ending up with bloody knuckles
and embittered hate
What happens with the things under the surface? Should I keep forcing it or give up?
Maybe my body should sleep
Maybe my mind should turn off
Maybe it is time.
Maybe-
I had done
bad things
apologetically,
but does that make it
any better?
I couldn't comfort
myself.
Locked myself upstairs
in the attic,
closer to the angels
where it was quiet.
Still hearing
the rise and fall
of darkness,
I was only able to sleep
after imagining myself
dead.-
Refusing to wake,
I have been
sleeping since morning
maybe dead
or dreaming
of better things.
You made me vow
never to be dark glass,
but I am simply
a collection
of imperfections,
afraid of
my own broken edges:
shattered soul.
As you shake me awake,
your hands stain
the bedsheets
with blood.-
If I shall ever return home
to the sounds of
laughter and violence,
fear and pleasure.
if I shall ever return home
to the
happiness
and
sadness
reverberating
off the walls
of hope:
hope to be needed,
hope to be wanted,
hope to be accepted,
hope to be loved.-
We wake to
the end of the world
every morning
in contrast to whispers
of forever.
Tempting myself with
thoughts of sleep
I close my eyes
and dream of tradition,
praying to a god
I haven't spoken to
in years.-
Swaying like
broken trees,
I have been caught
in the cracks
of my heart.
With thoughts and tears,
I allow feelings
to flow from
the echoing hollowness
inside my soul.
The sky begins to turn
a kind of burgundy
like wine.
Release as a sunset,
this is my goodbye.-
Yet still
i await
the spark
of your soul
to light mine
in the flames
of passion
if ever we were
to meet
then arise
like dawn
against
horizons
in an endless
glow.-
I still imagine
the feel of your touch
against bare flesh
as each day closes
against the darkness
in endless dreams.
Time is moving
more quickly
these days
as the years
are fading
of hope.-
I've walked
the shores of eastern seas
counted the grains
of timeless sand as days
until we meet
then felt the lash of storms
push me back
into the starkness of reality
as salted sprays
kissed my lips instead of yours,
yet i still yearned to feel
your breath arousing me
in the winds that wrapped me
in a blanket of thoughts.-