So I'll never wrap my words
In faux glitter and rainbows to bait you;
I'll bring panic attacks
And sweaty palms
And bring you down on your knees
Holding me tight
And yet screaming at me
To Leave.

-

I had a hole shaped like you
In my heart
And then one day he ripped the edges
With your help
And now I have a gaping hole
I can't fix
(Caption)

-

All my years shed into
A blurry whirlpool
That builds a moment of
Eureka in my heart,
Gravity violently acting
On the strings that hold
My heart in place,
I'm a postman carrying the mail
From another side of the universe.
(Read in Caption)

-

The green in the circle of life
Was just the tint of my glasses,
I stop my fingers from
Feeling the texture of ropes
By taking sanity in
Green and white capsules,
The ocean laps at my toes,
I move away
Horizon is just a line that separates
The blues from the white,
I took a bus to the bottom
Of your heart,
But I found nothing there
Only the ruins of a perfect illusion
The decay
Got me and I can smell it on me,
But it's okay, it's not unfamiliar
Life grows in the most
Hopeless places-
Even on rotting things;
So call my breaths
Mushroom headed fool
I'm only ever stealing reasons
To stay here longer,
The horizon crawls
On my back,
And whispers in my ears
It calls my name,
But I'm not leaving yet
I'm turning away from the ocean
Towards the green turf
Impregnated with life.

-

The endless night

-

Roads are coiled around
Your index finger,
Like a ribbon, safely tied
Around a wrapped gift
I wish you'd stayed
But your feet don't like
To stay still,
And you want roads to change
Their colours all the time,
So I left our polaroids in your bag
And left quietly like a cat;
Selfishly hoping you'd feel
Nostalgic and under a moonlit sky
Drink kombucha and sing the lullaby
That I taught you for this time
To remember what's supposed to be forgotten
To forget, you must first remember our time.

-

There's an image
Created by the work of imagination,
In my head
The patterns on your fingertips
Don't matter more that
The mapwork of your mind,
The height of cheekbones
Can't tell how high do you
Like the volume
When you're usually listening to
You favourite music,
And the colour of your hair
Can't tell what colour is your
Heart in the deepest hours of melancholy;
Things that matter the most can't
Even be touched or seen
But the magnitude of force
Of attraction between you and I,
Is a sign of moments
I've stood right under your light,
Moments I've memorized the
Pattern of your irises,
Moments when we broke apart,
Atoms dissipated vibrated
At the frequency of our favourite song;
The beauty of the space where you exist
Exceeds the beauty of any thing
That reaches only eyes.

-

Every poem is a cryptic confession,
A dysphoric moment when
The sinking wouldn't stop
And the vacuum would suck
Me hollow,
I implode like a star,
The thumbprint on my
Laptop screen is the only thing
I can see,
As the icons blur into
Undecipherable background shapes;
The neighbour's guitar
Sounds like someone's banging a door
In my ears,
Open up
Hello?
But I'm not here,
Mango trees and mother's caress
Positivity of a stranger's words;
Nothing works anymore
The fibres coiled into a rope
And rope coiled into a noose;
The amount of force it takes to breathe in,
Is exceeding my will to keep trying.
The predictability of my routine
Slakes the devil's curiosity
About the threshold of my sanity.
Teeth falling from biting into
Iron chains;
Doctor, I can't get out of my bed
I can't get out of my head.
Violent internal conversations,
I have with myself
They come for me
In my most vulnerable state,
I reached out for a hand
But it was just me and my quicksand
In a barren land.

-

My hands
Can't hold life now-
It slips through my fingers
I'm lying in the dirt often
Defeated, so I've come to hate it.

-

A world below YOUR rock bottom.
(Caption)

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