Courage
It takes a lot of courage to say I love you
It takes a lot of vulnerability
You're giving this person, father or lover, your heart
What you're saying in essence is, hey, this is all of me
I'm giving you, all of me
It takes a lot of courage to understand that the love you offer might not be accepted, and still
Decide to risk all that vulnerability
I can't remember the last time I told my parents I loved them
Or to be more exact, I can't remember the last time I told them I loved them without hiding behind something
Another language, a phone
It's like the words are too heavy for me to say
Too heavy and too demanding of a certain level of strength and courage that I do not have
So I say it in other languages, behind the phone, where the words are not as poignant and potent and where rejection would be easier to handle, even though it never happens, at least in this case
Maybe one day, I'll be able to look them dead in the eye and say I love you
Maybe one day, they'll be able to look me dead in the eye and say they love me, too-
Let me kiss your feet again, and slowly love my way up your body
Let me trail my fingers up the satin that's your skin, and use my mouth to place my stamps of approval
Don't hide, don't be shy
You're still as beautiful as the day I met you
You're made of magic not even your body can contain
Stretch marks yielding to show the book within the cover, book even more golden than its cover
Let me kiss your feet again, and with each kiss may I imprint myself so firmly into your subconscious that there'll be no telling where I start and you end
Let me show you how much magic is in your veins and how fairy dust trails every word you speak
Let me bring sacrifices to your temple, worship you the way a goddess should be worshipped
Let me hear you speak and fall yet again for your wit and brilliance
Let me hear you laugh and experience euphoria even as nature perks its ears at a sound so heavenly
Let me kiss your feet again
Let me adore you again, and again
Every day till time itself ceases to be
Because in our story, death is only a new chapter-
My biggest fear is that
Eventually
You start to see me exactly the way I see myself
You see the discolorations, the cellulite as the ugly dips they are
You see the rolls and it's no longer something for you to hold onto but something to despise
You see the acne, the body hair
You feel the discontent, the self-loathing
The quirks aren't so cute, the perfection isn't really perfect
With this being my greatest fear, the logical thing would be to run from it, isn't it?
To hide those places and lock up those feelings
But me
I show you
Bare myself to you with my hands, my songs, my words
My jokes
Because even while I'm scared you'll see me through my eyes
I hope that with every revelation, you still look at me through your eyes
I hope that you still love me
And you do
At least, for now-
I have come to the conclusion that I don't like watching movies
Romantic movies specifically
I can't stand them
They make this love thing look easy
Like you can step out of your house and get knocked over by your soul mate
Like giving your heart is easy, falling in love is easy
Baring yourself to someone is as easy is singing a song and a glance can say more than a detailed paragraph could
They make me yearn
Deeply
So strongly that sometimes I don't want to leave my bed and other days I can swear he's waiting outside my door and I just haven't opened it yet
I have decided that I don't like movies very much
Romantic movies, especially
There's only do much longing this heart can take-
It's in the darkness
They say the light heals
I guess that explains why I could
Never find you there-
She bore dust in her veins
Where humans had blood and gods had ichor she
She had fairy dust
That powered the enchantment that was her heart
She was a spell waiting to be cast
All you had to do was look at her-