Letters to my daughter (2)
Dear Rooh,
Mamma has always been an introvert. She has never really understood the point or the need for human interactions.

Irrespective of the fact whether you like people or not, never try to interact with them. Instead,Experience them. Let them grow on you. People begin to make a lot more sense that way. I promise.

When you're around someone, notice:

How their silence merges with yours and grows into a whole new language of your own.

how their loneliness finds a way to yours  and you start feeling a sense of belonging to the composite loneliness.

how the sunshine in their eyes reaches out to the darkness in your  heart; and lights up every crevice of this human vehicle that  you call your  body.

how their vulnerability  finds a way to your  insecurities, and makes you feel safer, somehow.

how the adventure in their soul dances to the tune of your desires of and makes you accept your insanity,a little more.

Don't ever miss out on the beauty of letting people in. Its okay to let them in, Rooh. Its okay to let them in.

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We spoke about how we're so desperate to be happy. There's no desire. It's always an urgent need. Which is why perhaps, we've come to this. It takes so less, we ask for so little, maybe that's why we get the least.

(Continued in the caption)

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They ventured into lands unknown.
They ventured in search of home,

A song quivering deep inside their hearts --
Melodies unformed. Tunes unheard.
A song, that’s thrown them apart.


Be cautious -- this song comes with a price.
This song demands sacrifice.


For this song to be fully formed, a lot of them must be undone.

Remember -- there are a lot of questions that are yet to come.


So, go forth child, go on,
Once all of this is said and done
It’s not  long before, the melody comes

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/At 22, you will start making your way home/

You will understand why your father always said that the world is not a kind place but you'll also realise that is why you need to be kind to yourself. You will scream until you lose your voice and exhaust yourself until you lose your mind. And then, you will find your voice and mind in ways you never have. 

But most importantly, you'll find that the ground beneath your feet is slipping and you'll learn to fly,  just enough to save yourself. 

(entire piece in caption)

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If I were to write a book, Dr. Zaid wouldn’t be a character in it -- he’d be the hero and the villain, the thesis and the anti-thesis -- to tell the world that we didn’t need saving from monsters., the war was against ourselves and that, victory is a choice.

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drops of water falling through the ceiling,
in an unfrequented house --
Distant. Familiar. Reassuring.

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Loneliness sounds like
drops of water falling through the ceiling,
in an unfrequented house --
Distant. Familiar. Reassuring.

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Words I wish I had said.

i. absence
I should have repeated it enough number of times before you left. Enough number of times to know that it won't taste bitter in my mouth like I expected it to. To know it'll be tasteless. On most days I won't find a way to describe how your absence feels like, while it smothers my tongue and everything else inside.

ii. ethereal
I said unreal instead. So many times. I wish I'd said ethereal. You. Us. We weren't unreal. Our love was soft, delicate, ordinary. It was real.
Sometimes the real became unerringly human. Some other days, it was so real that it felt like it didn't belong to this world. You. Us. We were never unreal. We were ethereal.

iii. decimate
I'd imagined our separation would bring salvation -- after all what else does destruction bring? I was wrong. You would leave me with parts of myself, I'd have no use for. I'd try to explain to the world, how decimation is more painful than destruction, just like half-songs don't quite sound right. You'd leave me without an ending, stranded...decimated.

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I remember the night you told me that if you ever had a favorite word it would be 'longing'.

I didn't understand it back then. But I do now,

As I sit here, longing to speak to you.

Longing, to ask you what went wrong.

And in longing, I find peace.
Because longing is like a passageway.

There is no imprint of an ending on it. It's innocent.

You don't know if that passageway will lead you to an ending or a beginning.


And it is in this innocence that longing's beauty lies.

I didn't quite know it then, but you see, longing is my favourite word too.

-

Don't stay,
Years later
When our hands
grow coarse from
the misgivings of time,

You'll find yourself
staring at your palm,
at the lifelines that
decided the course
of your life,

You'll accept the weight
of our destiny
And you'll find yourself
smiling.

Because you'll know then,
that time doesn't heal
It just evaporates,
Making the air around us

moist and heavy

...entire piece in the caption.

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