The air is too cold tonight
& the coffee’s bitter than hay,
All my pieces hoarded in the cellar
& all my friends , three years away .
I seek refuge in some old tunes
& I crawl back into my space ,
But silence is the loudest tonight
& all the walls , closing in on my face .

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The hushed forests
with the loudest of silence
The ones with no edge
No centre or start
Giant aged trees
With the unceasing branches
Hanging down low by
the weight of their past
& the leaves rustling in the wind
Playing their own muted song
Silence is queen in grief’s despite
Heard by the deaf & in darkness it longs
Such a curse is constant beauty
Surrounding us each yet so far across
I could no more just leave it to be
Nor would it amble its way apart

-

Laying low , all by myself
With my head buried in the sand
No whispers , no musings
I reckon it’s all in the past
Any regrets ? You ask me ..
No wait , what’s the point now
Wouldn’t make any difference
If I had cried or if I had smiled more
Bet you are scared of this face ,
The same , you so profoundly adored
These cheeks don’t look as flushed
As they once used to before
“What a great great loss”
“Such a soul full of light”
They babble the fake chatter
Like they really knew my life
A drop of a tear here &
There goes a deep sigh
You go in to raise me a toast
With the people I never really liked
& To be honest , if you ask me
I’m kind of pleased am not alive
Was never the one for crowds
& I always despised the light.

-

Sitting in that one blue corner of my bed
The one with the scariest silence of all
Been days or weeks , I can’t really tell
A hot cup of coffee for keeping me warm

The echoing screams , the secrets it holds
Has witnessed a lot in just a lifetime
Must be the demons that have made it grow cold
Not those under the bed but the ones on my mind

& it whispers to me back as I ask funny questions
Like “ Why doesn’t anything make sense at all ?”
It tosses a lil smirk and repeats that silly answer
“Isn’t this the life you were once begging for?!”

-

Had enough of an epiphany last night , that ,
I am not a sun child ! Never have been !
But I’m someone who gets lured to the
sleeping silence of dusk as swiftly as the wind !
Someone who is a fan of early sunsets ,
pale faces & warm teas !
Someone who feels the most at home in
the mighty embrace of the brittle beast ,
id est the winter solstice !

-

A fallen leaf , since I am
Drifting in & out of people’s lives
You”ll never know if I’m really there
Up until I start to leave your side
You might find me sticking to the sidelines
All this spotlight sort of hurts my eyes
I hide behind a constant smile
You won’t ever doubt that it’s a disguise
I steer clear of deep connections
Because I’m fearful of my own mind
I fade & fade till you lose me
& just like that I am out of your sight
I disappear for days on end
Yet at no time , I get to rest my eyes
And I’m bound to do it soon again
Old habits , they never really die

-

Thinking of it as a phase that soon
shall pass
She's brimming herself with questions
she never dares to ask
Keeps putting up a smile show but it's one
hell of a tedious task
It has begun to drain her out and she's
dimming pretty fast
The distant look in her eyes and the joy
it lacks
Ignoring the truth in her face , she's engrossed
in mending her mask
Tired of trying too hard , she has started to
let go her grasp
She has lost the will to seek , little by little
she's losing herself .

-

The concept of madness always remains novel to me .
Since , to my mind , to be mad is to be free .
One who is mad , is no longer a slave to the quotidian ways of this world . And that what seems anarchic to the ordinary , is somehow the madman's cosmos ,
one with an entirely unusual set of ideologies and ways of communicating .
To understand the idea of madness ,
one must carry a hint of mad on the inside .
For the reason that the sane can never truly acknowledge the reputed "Insane" or so I believe.

-

Sniffing fire to feel what is left
The longest winter that I've ever felt .

-

All your best intentions
Keep them to yourself for once
Discern that there are days
When I don't hope to make any sense
No ! You're not the one at helm
So you don't get to pick my site
And if am off to being stray
No-one needs to build a lie
Vanished in my own company
Humming some untethered rhymes
Vibing with the euphony of
All of my abandoned lives
How many days gone to dust
How many still left to pass by
Care to keep it all together
Next I wish to let it all fly .

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