That year's winter was strange—bittersweet and cruel.
I remember you urging Didi to visit, your concern for Papa’s health,
Harsh not getting enough winter vacation to come home.

If only I’d known the night before all went wrong would haunt my heart, when I ignored your hug, didn't eat the dinner you had made for specially for me.
Had I known, I’d have held you tighter, cherished the meal you made,
Instead of waking to a morning draped in regret’s shade.

I was so naïve, even in that ambulance ride,
Speaking nonsense, blind to the storm inside.
Seeing Papa cry for the first time in my life,
I still didn’t grasp the depth of the situation.

If only I had known what the future held,
I’d have prayed harder, every moment repelled.
I’d have begged, traded my life for yours,
Argued fiercely to stay by your side.

But fate had its way, cruel and unkind,
Just a month from your birthday, it all unwinds.
Now, each smile, each laugh, each happiness comes with the hidden love, regret, and the ache of your absence.

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Each birthday of yours, I’d borrow money from Papa to gift you something
And now, when I finally could do it on my own, you're not here to take.
I’ve learned so much, grown in ways you’d adore,
But the ache remains—you’re not here to witness it anymore.

As I scroll through my gallery, your photos bring both joy and ache,
Pictures of you abound, but together we have so few to take.
Your last birthday, your last anniversary, the last shopping, the last trip we made,
I didn’t know those “lasts” would become a wound that never fades.

I wonder, am I lucky to remember every moment so clearly?
Or cursed, as these memories weigh so dearly.

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Another year has arrived, beginning with the month of your birthday,
Followed closely by the month that took you away.
Seven years have passed, yet the memories remain vivid,
Everything around me has changed, yet the void you left feels so rigid.

Countless times I’ve imagined what life would be like if you were here,
Moments when I’ve turned to share something, only to feel the empty space.
The sharp realization that you’re no longer there to listen,
leaves me drenched in icy sorrow each second.

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I didn't realize how easily the word slipped my tongue-
the one which I always dreaded to say
the ones which always made me vulnerable
the ones which would bring back those hot tears
the one which brings back all the memories
the one which again made me feel you are not here anymore
-at the mention of you I didn't stumble this time

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किसी ने कहा है
दोस्तों के लिए वक्त निकालना चाहिए
बहाने तो रिश्तेदार को भी देते!

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In the start it was scary
but as time passed by
I got used to your visit
-something I look forward to.
With the same question every time
I am waiting for your answer.
Each time you would look at me
and smile back but the silence
it always remains constant.
It makes me come out of dream
only to be scared of surrounding
with my body covered in sweat
and a quickened heartbeat.
But still, I look forward to it again
because it's the only place
where I can see you for one more time.

-

A glass of wine in hand
and a sweet little memory
which brought a smile.
Those subtle hints,
those hide & seek stares,
those little smile,
words sounded like music,
butterflies in stomach,
twinkle in eyes,
a skip of heart's beat,
a blush on cheeks,
were all noticed & felt
by both of them.
But none acted on it.
Sometimes some things
are better from far.

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I lost count of years
I have been standing
under this heavy rain.
Dark clouds around me
enjoy my company
more than my liking.
I don't recognise
what's on my face,
rain drop? tear drop? smile?
I'm tired, I'm so cold
I want to go home
path seems clear but yet so blur
I stumble, I fall, I stand again.
I saw a wishing leaf
tried to catch but it seems like
my wish is too heavy
for this small thing
it flew away.
I stand strong, put on a smile
moved ahead
in search of a warmth
in search of a happy place
in search of my home.

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This day keep coming
every year, no matter
how I wish opposite
but it appear
like an everlasting winter
-cold and distant,
like a cup of black coffee
-dark and bitter,
like an old clock
-stuck and broken
like a withered tree
-fallen and dead
with a reminder on it
for the lost sun.
I want to feel once again
A warmth embrace,
An inexhaustible love,
An unconditional care.
An alluring smell.
A sweet lullaby.
I want to feel again.
Wherever you are
just be a little proud
I'm trying my best.
I'm trying to be like you
strong and brave.— % &

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Just another day
another night
reminding me of
how bad a daughter I was
due to which you left me.— % &

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