You fucked me over when you said that it wasn't that you couldn't marry me but you won't.

I didn't know what to feel so I wallowed in misery and guilt. I drank sin like wine and snorted old wise men, as dangerous as cocaine.

And when I have had enough of fixes and was tired of all the risks you did marry me and fuck me and then you drive me out of the home we were supposed to make together.

It's an empty house now- you living with me, accusations in your eyes- of unspoken lies and inactive works.

I still feel fucked over because you are still it for me when I am trying to wrap my head around your incapacity to feel and heal.

-

It's always the dreams you remember first,
Those not realized because you're too busy
Fantasizing cigarette burns that turn to ashes
Long before reaching your fingers,
Aeons before touching your lips.
And you try to remember
The smell of nicotine and stale whiskey,
But the stupid brain turns it all
Into Jasmine and Bougainville.

-

The thoughts inside my head.
The hunger that creeps,
The second guessing that seeps.
I long for your caress,
On skin not marred by your regret.
I could be proud of my scars,
If you kissed their ugliness away.
They aren't ugly because of appearances,
But because of the hatred in your eyes,
That you mask with disdain.
I wonder which is better,
When I can think again.

-

The fragrance of passion
Sprinkled with a tinge of regret.
They hold treasures of midnight
Sealed with the kiss of death.
Venom drips from lust
That teases the edges of hunger.
You feed on desperation,
Determination sliding arrogantly,
Into uncharted depths.
Tear stains often accompany
The torn and the stained.

-

Sensibilities intermingle in unpopular shades
Expectations breed in the abundance of intimacy
Silence oft translates into touches
Love languages are flighty, desires voracious
Cold soups and sour cream fail to tempt,
But paint a pretty picture

-

Poem

-

I have filled many pages with you.
It's time for me.

-

Undone

-

Silver Lining

-

Carbon monoxide

-