One Night "Dream"

From being a goddess on bed,
To a rejected whore lying aimless on bed ;
From a princess of your dreams,
To a leftover timepass in your dms ;
From being your partner in hopes,
To being a pain in your ass ;
From your beloved best freind,
To a taunting feminist feind ;
It's funny how my roles changed,
Like a night's dream.....

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कहते हैं हम खो चुके हैं खुदको,
ढूंढने पर अब हम मिलते नहीं,
लाखों की भीड़ में भी अब हमारे निशान मिलते नहीं,
सब कुछ पाकर, हम रोज खुदको हारते हैं,
तुम ढूंढ लो अक्स हमारे इन बारिश की बुंदों में,
हम इनमे घुल कर काई बार बरसे हैं।
हारकर कई बार हम खुदको,
तुम्हें हर रोज जीते हैं,
बच्चों की तरह रोते थे हम,
पर खिलौनो की तरह बेहलाया था हमने तुम्हें।
कहते हैं अब खो चुके हैं हम खुदको,
बोलो क्या ढूंढने आओगे अब तुम ।।

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I've already surrendered,
Several are my blunders ;
My sanity lies in front of me plundered,
Plenty are my monsters and I'm always surrounded ;
Let's just say I'm always haunted,
Graves of perfection unattended ;
Tombstones of expectations unwanted,
Not good enough word lanes paved ;
" I'm the evil one always letters", on the grave engraved,
Cries of desperation and chance have now been silenced ;
Now, only the silent sound of an uncared attitude will be sounded.....

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A lost road I'm the middle of nowhere,
Splashed ink of a whore caste ;
Left to wander like use sand throw caste,
Outspoken mouth, sign of a b*tch class ;
A depressed mind, obviously a lunatic class,
Quietened mouth no doubt is an attitude class ;
Not according to the society, most definitely is hoe class rather than a human class,
Character obligations hung like warning signs ;
That's the little tale of my self "caste".....

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रिश्ता अब बस कुछ इतना सा रह गया है-
" ज़िंदगी मालकिन और मैं उसकी तवायफ बनकर रह गई हूँ ।"

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I am on a stage of life where I've realised that-
"Heart attacks are better than attachments of heart......"
Sooner you learn the better it is....otherwise you're responsible for the sufferings that you cause to yourself...

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If I am to die,
May my grave be night,
May honesty be blinded out of sight ,
May my guilts be turned to delight,
May all these expectations from the mind be lost,
May my heart be devoid of all knots ,
May not even the bleakest of feelings be alive out of all odds,
May any form of loved affections be gone ....

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There sat an alone star twinkling,
The Night in it's full bloom was glistening ;
Some distant birds could be heard there chirping,
Far could be heard silence, which like noise was now echoing ;
Sat there a girl in melancholy lamenting,
Tearing pieces of herself feeding to the darkness,
Wounds scratched, aimless blood dried itself,
Tears wasted, drained hopeless,
She wasn't anymore even herself,
Far from reality, with a broken mentality, devoid of love she was a dead dark  enchantress....

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Its scorching hot, a dry wind is blowing past my skin as if burning it slowly when it swishes through my skin. Yet it doesn't seem to feel really hot as it feels wintery inside.... Snowfall and autumn's all that engulfes me inside. I see wilted leaves lying on the ground in front of me, dried up grass moving slowly with gushes of wind as if it has accepted its fate in the hands of wind. The ember and bronze hue of the wilted leaves tells their tale of fall. A tale which started right from spring dawn. Like tales of waves rising and dying in sea waters, my journey it started with colors and rise ending with the strange fall,  I try comprehending whatever that has happened or will go on but all those spiral thoughts seem to have no end....A plastered blank expression is all I've with exhaustion of heat waves the frozen thoughts seem to be putting mind in a numb slumber...I close my eyes trying to escape but the cold and hot cage is where I flail...

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I'm unable to break free from,
It's continuously weighing me down ;
You've brought my doom,
But how weird, I still keep trying to feel you....
Knowing that it's impossible to have your presence back,
Just like searching for the moon at noon....

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