Am I honest, to say back to myself;
Stuck in a dilemma, I wish I could tell.
I do care, I do look after,
But I am only growing up hollow,
Growing old not to be a tale of another.

I felt something twice,
It felt unreal, it does feel nice.
But am I a liar, or am I meant to feel hollow,
My life has instances, hard for me to swallow.

I had my moments of triumph,
I had moments of being hollow,
But with she around me,
I mend myself for a new tomorrow.

I felt wrong, with all things right.
I was alone when the arms held me around.
Dishonest and lying,
Distrust and still trying.

Is it a rebound, or the taste of true love,
Tell me once, tell me now.
I am still fighting a war,
That I was only meant to drown.

-

Silently, the day breaks;
Violently, pushing the emotions down deep.

The sounds ignites the memories.
Ignorance, I can only barely sleep.

Turning the clock won't turn back time,
The floodgates can only hold much long.
I have my doubts.
If only I can keep what's once was mine.

In my fear and flaws.
All I did is run.
The drowning thoughts,
All I did was stayed silent!

All I saw was disillusion, all I did was unseen.
I breath so heavy.
In my fear and flaws,
There is no regret, no feelings.

-

I will not pray to a God,
Whose faith sheds blood and fear.

I will not pray to a God,
Whose believes put souls in despair.

If God was all Good,
He can never be all Powerful.

If God was all Powerful,
He can never be all Good.

My questions are more than there's Answers.
There's a Who! There's always Why!
There's always a end, where we say Goodbye.

I wish no more, my prayers won't bother.
There are more blood, sweat and tears.
Souls that born and die, in fear.
I will not surrender to any faith.
I am not that brave, to bury the innocent.

The world will perish, we all will.
We only realise when it's too late to stop.
From the books from a thousand years,
All they did was bring fear, than bringing hope.

At the end of the day, we are the parasite.
Taking away more than giving.

-

I ran into the eye of the storm,
To outrun the fever, the rage,
The feeling of absolute powerlessness.

But I fell, into the pit,
A long cold hollow unending tunnel,
Succumbed to the ignorance.
I fell, fell forever.

I started the coming darkness,
I was less brave then.
I had stopped praying,
I have stopped asking,
Asking Him to save me.

If He is all good, He can never be all powerful,
If He is all powerful, He can never be all Good.
He has seen his failures, Failures like Me, made in the image of His.

I saw the darkness approach in the endlessness.
Darkness, my destiny.
And with open arms I plunged.
To embrace the faith, rather a false reality.

-

There was a time above, time before.
There were perfect things,
Diamond absolute.

Innocence, Rage burning,
In absence of Maturity.
A vivid painting, of unseen,
Of promises that laid on broken path.

Mirages, gazing upon the weary eyes.
Whispering, the devil's hymn.

Blinded, by the charms,
Enchanted, by the fragrance.
Diamonds, happiness of mine.
Diamonds, turned to dust.

In the shadows, at midnight.
The breathing thins.
The heart turns heavy,
The bed, a whirlpool to sink in.
Drowning, till sleep engulf.
Dreams, the saviour.

In my dream, they take me to that life,
Where I am, a whole.
A beautiful lie.

-

You were just a random text on a random day when my world was all gloomy and grey.

Our chats were just random talks where I said the most and you quietly listened.

I gave you my broken heart, you mend it and loved me back with hope in your eyes.

Baby love your physical presence changed the way my world felt to me. I was not alone anymore and you became the most beautiful being I am blessed to be.

I look into your eyes and all I see, is unconditional love, my heart in a safe place where you ain't gonna break it.

I miss you yes. But I won't cry, rather try and try to bring us closer then before.

-

I will be 26 in a few days,
Looking back I could see,
I was 16, it seems like yesterday.

Only if he could see,
The world that now is.
The story written for him,
The tears and smiles,
That are yet to be.

The heartbreak was real,
So was the saviour.
I was wrong to think I was weak,
I did make it through,
I did lately realise.

There is someone I do care about,
There is someone I am glad to have.
Someone who isn't the first true love,
But love till the end indeed.

There is this responsibility,
The new reality,
To be more than that 16 year old.
To be the hero in my own story.

-

Asking why,
The state of mind hiding beneath the lies,
The sacrifices, their worth faded in time.

No matter what eyes see,
The reality is blind to me.

Tainted in deceit, the fakeness unforgiving,
Underneath a filter, miseries relieving
Eventually, people who never frown,
Will surely breakdown.

Reverse psychology is failing,
Miserable, there is no you, for me to see,
Only the mistakes staring back at me.

No matter what eyes see,
The reality is blind to me.

It's cold the memories I feel,
I lie to myself that the past isn't real.
When I close my eyes, the face I see.
Left awake haunted, you are blind to me.

The last smile, for the sake of being with you,
The last tears, to feel stabbed till death, is the only truth.
I stayed, till I was pushed away,
Now it pains, even the memories have faded.

The sacrifice of hiding in a lie,
No matter what Love is,
You will forever be blind to me.

-

The bare minimum I can do for myself,
The only shred of tears that I can cry,
Somehow pushing myself to let go,
Is only when there's is this rhythm playing.

It's so frustrating to feel so hard,
Whatever felt isn't in the inside.
There was a day, when all the melodies,
Made emotions run like a wild fire.

And now the old or the new,
Just scratch the surface,
This feeling of close doors is unending.
All I do is cover it up with being busy.

Wish the flood gates open,
When there is an ease of feeling,
Just waiting to be human soon.

-

The man I have become,
Not just the overgrown hair,
The unshaven beard,

All you see is a man consistently busy,
Detached from any emotions,
Attached to solitude and ignorance.

Inside the head only one phrase echoes,
Again and again-

"It doesn't matter"

No matter what the question is,
Doesn't matter if someone's judging,
Or if someone's praising,

Nothing matters.
I did saw 'The man with everything'
Kissing the noose.

Too much was dreamed,
Too much was in the bucket list,
Too much for the man I have become.

-