The Wealth I Seek

I want to be rich.
And I don't mean just to spend money.

I mean the kind of rich that feels like sunshine tastes like honey,
sweet,
brilliant.

I want to be rich in the way.
I think I want to pay off my insecurities, bribe them to love until they shrink.

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Maybe Someday

Maybe tomorrow

maybe when I'm healed,
maybe when I'm more successful, but
maybe that door is already sealed.

Maybe when I get in,
maybe when I know what to do, may be then
maybe i'll be what I wanna be 
for you.

Maybe when I reached that goal that I created when I was five, maybe then i'll think that it's okay to just let myself be alive.

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SANCTUARY OF LOVE

With you, I feel safe.
I feel like I can breathe,
like it wouldn't never be too much to admit how much help I really need.
Like I can be honest about everything.

Not just the part of me that people like.

Like when you tell me I'm beautiful, I don't internally say psych

with you I feel beautiful. I think beauty persists

because I see it in your eyes. I believe that love exists.

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Do Dreams Wait for the Worthy?

Do you think dreams wait for you?

Wish for you throughout the day like falling asleep isn't the ending but the start of what they wish that they could say

Like you're ready.
It's okay

Some things you must leave behind.

Do you think dreams wait for you until you're in a better state of mind?

Do you think they plan for it to happen
for you to wake up and see it through?

Do you think dreams wait to present themselves? Is that really how you think I see you?

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The Thought Daughter's Heavy Heart

The thought daughter thought patience was a gift to receive.
Thought about a lot of things, many things she didn't need.
Thought about joining dating apps, thought about time ill-spent.

Thought about hope,

she wondered where that went.

The thought daughter was long distance from her heart, from her mind.
Thought about a lot of things, many answers she struggled to find.

Thought about risks,
thought about taking them less.
Thought about her house, who would ever love such a mess?

The thought daughter was quiet, even remarkably so.
Thought about other thoughts and how she wished that she could know.

What they were thinking, what they were laughing about.

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I'm shaking as I dial.
I wish I didn't shake.

I wish I didn't know about how much love could take,
how much I could give,
how much I could lack,
how long one broken heart would actually take to unpack.

It feels stupid to be honest,
feels embarrassing to have a crush,
because we live in a generation that romanticizes the rush.

I don't want to rush with you.

I want to put in the work to build.

I want the future together, the garden that with roses we completely filled.
I want to be afraid and do it anyway.

I'm sick of being tied to the past.

I don't want to rush with you
because I want us to last. And

if you ever wonder how I feel,

I hope you look to the sky.

Ask God if I've ever fallen.

Yes, but only you have ever made him fly.

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if you would have stayed.

I wonder if you dream about me when you're fast asleep.

I wonder if these stupid thoughts of mine are ones you wish to keep,
because I could tell you everything.
The day that I fell,
I thought I woke up in heaven, since they have angels up there as well.

But I didn't.

If I had,
God would have been so mad, would have said,
I put your dream person in front of you. I thought you'd be more glad.

I was.

I am.

I'm also back on earth, which means that
other people have made me question what the hell I'm even worth.

I'm sorry for that, really. I didn't mean to do the same.
I'm cautious of you when I know you're not the one to blame.

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I Wonder If You Dream About Me Too

I wonder if you dream about me in the middle of the day, if you play football with your thoughts, trying to figure out the best thing to say,
the best way to say it, if you should even say it at all.
Honestly, I think you should just pick up the phone and call.

I wonder if you shake while dialing my number.
I wonder if you hit send and throw your phone.
I wonder if just the thought of me makes you feel less alone.

I think you should tell me that,
if that is what you think.

I think you should tell me that sober, so I don't wonder if you've had too much to drink.

I wonder if you would leave a voicemail with all the things I need to hear.
I know I shouldn't.
I know I haven't

said this to you before,
but I should have.

My resolution this year is
to be more honest, to be less afraid.

I don't want to wonder
if I had told you

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Don’t Talk to Me But Fall for me Too


This is to the type of pretty man with dark hair that everyone wants to see.

Honestly, I swear in that pretty are please never talk to me

because those kind of men are funny

in the way that makes you have to laugh,
who speak in physical touching when they love your presence, start massaging your calf.

And you think, damn,

don't talk to me,

don't even look my way,

because if you were to like me,

I digress.

Anyway.

This is to those men

that you think about sometimes
I in that kind of dumb, corny way that makes you want to speak in rhymes.

This is to those men


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You, The Sunset God Hoped For…

I would give up sunsets just to be in the sunshine of your presence. And I knew that I was done for when I associated the sun with your essence,
because work when I'm around, you develops an entirely new meaning
as if every star in the Galaxy held a meeting.

All reconvening to appreciate their origin, what are stars?
If not your eyes,

I tried to play it cool,
but I melted through the disguise.

I love sunsets,
I can't imagine a world without,

but I'm sure that when god created earth, you're the mused sunsets were supposed to be about.

Is that too much? I'm sorry,
i'll keep it at hello

but I would give up sunsets to learn who god was painting. I want to know it is.

Today you said something that made my head shake, because I was confused, honestly surprised about what a wrong statement you could make.

We sat down at the table You took a moment

a pause….

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