I cannot give my heart the privilege
of forgiving you
I hold onto my anger
Because if I don't
I'll have nothing
I'll be nothing

Anger is not a part of me
I'm a part of it instead

-

Don't tell me
I'm talented
if you don't invest in my art
Don't tell me
I'm the best poet you've read
if you don't invest in my art

Should I put my head in the oven or blow my brains out
Will it make you respect
my work?

-

I apply to a law school for kicks
When they ask me,
why I want to pursue law
I write, I want to become the lawyer
my mother deserved

Because no matter
how many poems I write for her
the justice she deserved
is still a pending court date

-

Here's an Eid poem
you won't forward
on WhatsApp.

-

(v)

Today, I'll not celebrate, I'll cry instead
because I didn't learn empathy or control
I learned that I, you, and all of us could do so much more
instead of burdening
a bunch of
young protesters
with this responsibility to
take care of our people in the slums and streets

I learned that
we could do so much more
but
we chose not to

-

(iv)

Today, I don't want to wear new clothes
I'll wear the hijab I wore when I went to my first protest
I don't want to put mehendi,
my hands ache at the thought
I don't want my hands to bear witness against me on the Day of Judgement

I'll share the sheerkurma my friends sent
with my neighbors,
the pharmacy that offered a free mask to my privileged ass
and that friend who hasn't seen their family in Kashmir

-

(iii)

Today, to hell with our cute quarantine selfies that fuel our nafs
our grand rich people feasts while the poorest of us,
have to change their name to get raashan in this country
our relatives who send us eidi but refuse to contribute to a good cause

To hell with the NRIs who call our country a lost cause,
Safoora and Amulya didn't go to jail so you can comment about how we shouldn't get involved

-

(ii)

30 days there was no Shaitan,
but our people walked the streets
and we closed our doors.

Our people were hungry and we threw away the leftover iftaari,

Our people were and are still in jail
while we complained about being in the comfort of our homes

-

(i)

Today is the day Shaitan is freed.
But we say, on Eid, we're celebrating 30 days we spent starving
and resisting our impulses

Are we really happy
because we developed empathy and control
or are we happy
because now,
we can blame shaitan
for not having that empathy,
that control?

-

.....

-