It started as a laugh
How beautiful a laugh lost
Spun myself around and found
That my heart just doesn’t beat the same
If happiness is so elusive then you ran
To something far easier than
Holding on to the sun ☀️

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Off and on fighting the voice in my head that says “I need to get ahead” or that “Without love, I won’t ever be happy.” When I’m irrelevant to the whole of it.

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Warm sea breeze blowing
My tangled web of hair
Definitions fade in early afternoon
Muscles ache against gravity
Sun glistening gold

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Behind the curtains, not seeing the forest for the trees, unable to be found by anything but one’s conscientiousness. Behind the scenes, away from prying eyes and everything. Goodbye everything that followed me inducing shame and wondering why I just decided to be.

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How many times you’ve spent
Concealing your grief
Throwing yourself in distractions
Chasing the happy high

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All the time I wasted
Wanting someone to love me

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Hope is like a silent ghost. You wish for it to be listening, but all too often it’s gone. Little specs of inspiration are nothing more than light casting shadows on the walls. Hold on too tightly to a dream, you’ll find you turned it a nightmare in your admiration and obsession. You’re enamored with art. A spectator pretending to be the composer - you create drama just to seed your own destruction. The walls we’ve built to keep reality out have made us insane. Pretty soon, you’ll be nothing more than a woman trapped within the yellow wallpaper.

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They say love is easy, but to me it feels like a slow demise. It starts with finding someone to feel so comfortable in, then learning that person is a foreign planet whose shores you’ve never really visited. All the weird landings were really side missions and you don’t know where the ending is because that’s where the true ending lies. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve lost on the way to you but even then the counting feels futile. You still seem like another death I’ve yet to endure.

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A couple cries in the corner
Life stopped years ago
People stare, can’t comprehend
The sun hides within the clouds
Everyone talks about how sunny it was

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I’ll go ahead and explode just like you expect
They tell me quiet humility is where God is
Where cash is dependent upon your smiles
Telling me to be grateful for all the
Salt and plastic in such a tiny bubble
If the moon hides tonight, I’ll cut this sky apart

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