I don't know why we never talked about this.. I guess it never came up.. Whenever you're in doubt as to how I'd react on something or what I'd do.. Think about what your father would do.. And 9 times out of 10, you'd have my response to that thing.

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So I was waiting at a signal today.. And there was this little girl begging for money.. She was little.. Maybe 5 to 6 years old.. As a general rule, I never hand out money to beggars.. I might give opened biscuit packets or some food item or anythhing.. But this girl.. She was asking for some money from the car in front of me.. I shut my window in preparation.. After I shut my window, she got a coin from that car.. And she smiled a dazzling smile that was just infectious.. I knew she was gonna come to my car next because I was in the rightmost lane.. I lowered my window.. And whatever money I had I gave to her.. Must have been some 3-400 bucks.. She was gonna go away and I stopped her and said smile for me once.. And she did.. And baby, let me tell you, what an amazing smile it was.. It just made my day.. It was the same smile you had when you were genuinely glad about something.. Like that panda that kept on opening.. That smile had the same vibe.. And it was worth everything I had.. It doesn't matter how much I had in my pocket.. Might have been 3 bucks or 3 million.. That smile, your smile, is worth everything in this world.

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Tell me when you're ready, I'll be waiting with open arms.

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One thing no one else ever can do is inspire me to be a good and successful person.. What drive I have within myself has a certain limit to what would make me content.. And with you I won't stop until I put the world at your feet and I won't stop till I make myself worthy of you..

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How lucky are those?
Who can sleep soundly at night.
Who can function without opiates.
Who can look in the mirror every day.
Who can see a future for themselves.

How lucky are those?
Who don't feel half the city as haunted.
Who don't hear disembodied voices.
Who don't have any intimacy issues.
Who don't care who they sleep with.

But how lucky am I?
I've got someone to love.

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You are to me what heat is to plastic. You could make me into the most beautiful of forms or you could leave me a puddle of nothingness.

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The self hatred I have within myself is like a cancer.. Starting off as something benign and curable to the point where it has now spread through the fabric of my being. And you, your love, your touch came across as a blast of cure to my dying soul. Eating away at the hatred, replacing it with a serenity hard to match. With you, I hate the person I am a little less. I feel like I have a chance, a real shot at being a good person. That is why I am always able to believe that I'll become the best person for you, you slowly and surely eliminate the revulsion stored within. And when you're not there, like other cancer patients, I relapse. Each time more terrible than the last, each rendition a shade more distasteful than its predecessor. You keep them at bay, you fight for me like a tigress. Fierce and yet majestic. I guess it makes me more of an asshole to love you for what you do for me.. But this is one of the things I love about you. Never told you this before, thought you should know. :)

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I just got an idea for you:
UFO shaped pizza.

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For all my efforts to not think of you, I might as well try to hold back tidal waves with my bare hands.

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Save me.

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