I've been smoking,
I don't know why.
I slept for hours and couldn't figure why.
I have had days when I wanted
To talk but couldn't talk.
I've kept it to myself,
Now I am slogging
Returning back to
My previous state,
Having a relapse.
I don't know where I went wrong,
I feel I've let people down.
My gut aches like hell,
My head is gone for a ride.
I feel I might end up in viscous cycle.
-
Head Strong.
You don't need anyone to be happy. All you need is yourself, you don't have to rely on others, you don't let them decide for you. You need to do what makes you happy. You don't stop no matter what, things don't happen over night, that doesn't mean you stop you still keep doing it. It will be a mess and you will always over come it. Believe in yourself that's what it takes. You need to be headstrong. Like she said run behind Sarswati (knowledge and experience) Laxmi (money)will come automatically.-
A Note you might never understand.
I gaze at you all the time,
You are always around me,
My heart throbs wanting to hug you.
Everytime when I feel low,
I want to come running to you
So you could hug me and say,
It's going to be alright.
I wish I could go for a dayout with you.
Everytime I want to come near to you
There’s an invisible wall that stops me.
I am unsure yet if it is for your good or mine.
But for once I want to cross that wall,
Feel that Love that I have never felt.
For once I want to fall asleep in your lap
While you caress my forehead.
Until now I have seen the world without you
and now for once I want to see it with you
Holding hands and never look back,
As if it never happened.
Because I know how that feels when I see,
Someone walking with their mum holding hands.
And that kills.
Maybe that is why you would never understand.-
You should never be sorry
For your tantrums.
It wasn’t easy for you
While you were going through it.
It never would be,
Remember it’s an emotional phase
Where you don’t know what you are thinking
It’s a phase where all you want to do is run away.
All you feel at that is to be left alone.
But you just can’t say it to anyone,
That’s how you feel.
Pathetic to a point
Where you don’t know what why and how.
You don’t want to answer anyone anymore,
You could sleep or drink or keep yourself engaged
So you don’t get those thoughts.
But you just can’t talk and explain,
That is what it is!-
You know what
People at some point don’t think
Before they abandon me.
No, I don’t blame it on them
It isn’t their fault.
It’s me a person like me
Who is Happy at once
And gets drifted to be the exact opposite
Of it the other moment,
Is a person who loses people
More than he has them.
Is a person who is afraid enough
To trust others no matter how much you
Feel like trusting them you do it
But that feeling of being afraid being left
Makes you drift to the other world
And that is when
People abandon me because
They feel this person never listens
To anyone, and I don’t deny that either!-
I found my family in them,
They just knew me for few days
But still took me in
Like a family adopts an orphan.
That day that very day an orphan
Found a family
Who would stand for me
Family who promised to get me out
Incase if I am stuck.
Family who looks after me as a son
Love me as if I am their own.
They taught me that love doesn’t have boundaries
It’s that very moment that makes you feel loved.
That moment it’s destiny
It was meant for you to be together
To be one as a family.
I adore us I adore our Family
Love rekindled.-
I am tired of crying every night,
My face may revel it
But I’d not let it dull my smile.
You wonder I have everything then
Why I cry,
Sometimes person who has everything,
Has nothing at all,
Except sorrows because
Heart wants something that mind resists.
That war is fought by them against them,
This war has killed many,
But not me until I have that last bit of hope
To survive.-
I’ve always wanted to feel love,
I’ve wanted to be loved not just for that moment,
But forever.
Someone who would love me beyond my flaws,
And accept me as I am.
In the process of being Loved
I gave so much of myself Just for that little love
That for once when I needed to love myself
I was all empty,
I couldn’t even love myself.
Feeling pathetic
I started drowning myself in Alcohol
Until I got used to it and it couldn’t put me to sleep anymore.
And here I am finding another addiction that can
Put me to sleep peacefully every night
and so the Over thinking stops
And so does my mood swings.
-
I’ve been lost,
Wondering where I am,
Feeling pathetic,
Letting it kill my soul.
That loneliness that I felt
For years made me this way.
Then you came like a ray of hope
But here I am afraid
Afraid that someday If I get to attached
I might end up in that same loop again.
That loop made me lose myself
People around me my identity
I lost everything in just one go.
I don’t know if I am ready for another one
Maybe If I end up there I’ll be gone
Gone forever Lost forever.-
We found forever
At the very moment
When we didn’t even
Expect it to happen.
It baffled us for once
But again heart always
Wins over mind.
I already miss you
More than I ever did.
What comes unexpected
Is Love.-