Somewhere along the lines,
the long trips to districts
that weren't mine,
you made me realise
that home isn't a place,
it's a person.

I've been searching for a home ever since.

-

Some days
I disappear
into the softest shade of blue.

-

Trusted you in a swollen mouth,
a broken tooth and a bleeding lip.

I gave you a hundred reasons to breathe
and you decided to die anyway.

I think I miss the parts of you
that never really did exist.
Something different out of you
messes everything inside me.

And here I am
moulding myself,
trying to write your poetry
but you never understood my verses anyway.

-

Precociously, you've lied to me
in a vast spectrum
of artificial light,
I listen to the abuses.

I want to end it,
the grave seems enlightening.

-

I left behind
all the poisonous clouds
you made me swallow,
I left behind
all the paper promises you made.

Somewhere in the future,
I'm a butterfly,
not the caterpillar you met.

-

I know you're scared,
it's okay.
Confront, survive and walk through it.
I'm here,
hiding behind every word
you're afraid to speak,
waiting to be your comfort.

-

What made you run away
and drift yourself
into the clouds.
I guess disappearing
is the only thing you taught me best.

And here I am on earth
remembering every smile
you threw in my direction.

You're a felon
but they don't see you.

I need you
like caterpillars need leaves,
to turn into a butterfly
and then leave.

-

In the beginning,
I think I tried alot,
more than I should've,
to make things right
and suddenly
everything inside me
exhausted into blankness
and I didn't feel
like trying anymore,
keeping it all together
felt like a waste of time.
Understand
that I had drained,
drowned myself trying to save you.

I had to leave,
I had better things to do anyway.

-

And here I am
living in a vertigo,
surrounded by cashmere and silk
and stuffing my mouth
with mildew and soft wood
that tastes like wet paper.
It's a cosmetic concealment of lies
and I've burned all the attached smiles.

-

And I don't regret
the destruction
you made me swallow
in the past.

It turned everything soft in me into metal
and I hold bittersweet feelings about it.

The tulips told me in soft whispers
to find peace in everything
that I cannot change
and I've been listening to them ever since.

-