What do I mean to you?

There are some questions like this in life to which even a heartfelt smile or a hug can be the answer.

These answers could even be the better answer than all the words that you could use.

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If you can make men and elder daughters cry, then you've come up with something that's truly heartbreaking.

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Somedays, you fail. As a person.

And there is nothing much to do except to accept it.

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In the end, there are no true endings. Life keeps ending at different points. If you think about it, even death is not really an ending. There will be people who'd visit you often, remember you now and then, sometimes always. Yes, your living life ends, but something that never existed begins. And for the people who remember you, life feels like an unending ordeal. They can't wish for an ending to it, it feels inhuman to them. The paradox of endings.

And sometimes, just as you sit down by the window, watching a familiar scene, you acknowledge the ending. The ending that you had missed when it happened. You thought you're still in it, but it is gone, it's past all your capacity to un-end it. And then you accept. You accept the ending, your utter inability to resurrect it, and along with it, the life with that huge void hung up on its wall. Life works that way. Sometimes, in an innocent stupid way we try to reverse life. Doesn't work.

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Sometimes I walk as if it is the last time I'm going to that place.

And I watch sunsets like it's my last time.

I keep feeling that these are probably the endings, but not as in death, maybe death, but certainly the ending of phases in my life.

I, now feel happier more often than sadness. For the past 1 year and 4 months, I've felt so much at myself and felt content, happy, present and in the most surprisingly best self of me. I keep wondering how this is happening to me. I still have no answer. After all that has happened and all the consistent sadness I put myself through, yes I did it to myself, it feels surreal to be happy, finally.

It feels so beautiful even when waves of sadness hits. Because I now know for a fact that I can be happy by doing things that I enjoy. And it wasn't until a year ago I found those things and I just keep doing them.

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Patience can solve a lot of problems, but most importantly it can prevent a lot of problems from happening.

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True happiness empowers you, just like true love.

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On new people, places and acquaintances

This week started with me being in a dark phase of my life, lot of confusion, unmade decisions, and with a huge milestone in my career. All together.

But as I'm ending this week, I am in one of the most settled states of mind. With a lot of new people in my life I feel right in the middle of happiness. This is truly one of those weeks where you are a totally different person to when it is started.

I remember the journey I made to my new job location with an intention to leave after a week and then to return after a few days. Little did I know that I'll be going to my new home. And boy, I fell in love with this place, gradually though. I'm grateful for this.

And now as I am traveling back, I am not the person who came here. I feel so much happiness that I feel like I can do anything I want to do. I guess just like true love, true happiness also empowers you.

On that note, with immense happiness.
Jesmary

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Everything in life means something,
Except that some of those mean bullshit.

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So anyways, Moving on..

I keep getting reality checks,
from people who live by me
from people who live for me too.

There is a point where everything falls off of the priority checklist and you can see that one thing staring right at you, big and bold. And with no doubt, no second thought, you choose it, prioritise it and nurture it till you breathe your last.

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