I wonder if you read it or do you put it to the side like you do me at times. Being with you is my main quest but you treat me like a side mission saying I'll get to it later but later never comes. Maybe one day you'll see me as a priority instead of a minority. But until then I'll just pick up my pen and create with you in mind. My latest and greatest inspiration.

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My happy place

I sit in the back seat with my playlist to relax me. Escaping my mind just for a while I feel like a child because that's when I felt the most free. There's no fee just a key for that luxury. Wait, what? I can't hear you. No unnecessary noises allowed while I'm high on my cloud. Just rhythmic drum beats with amazing vocals to match. When I'm there I become detached from life's problems and nothing else exist just bliss. Damn I need more of this.

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Before I met you I was afraid to grow. I never really wanted to show anyone the full me because people used to fool me. Fake hugs, love, smiles and handshakes is something I felt I couldn't escape from before I met you. You're my sunshine in a world full of darkness, the best in my chest when I feel heartless. Regardless of everything that's happened through the day you always come and say hey love it's going to be ok as hug me and ran your fingers through my beard. An annoying act to some but so necessary to me. My heart stayed on the lock and key but you had the tool and the demeanor so cool that it flew open. Before I met you there was no sunshine only rain. On the outside I didn't complain but inside I felt I needed a umbrella. Always wet and never dry but when we met you could look in my eye and see past the mask. I was never a task for you to handle. You would sit on the phone for hours just to hear me ramble. Others would take being with me a gamble but you thought differently. You persistently showed me that you'd always be there ready with words of encouragement. You go boy. You got this. Keep pushing through and continue to be you. Now that's Music to my ears.

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Forget everything that irks and jerks me. I want to go into my cocoon until noon and howl at the moon like a lone wolf. No packs . Just the night sky and a gentle breeze blowing through the trees. O what a night.

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I forgot how it feels to be loved by the right one. So many pretenders turned me into a defender of their BS to others. I endure it all and stand tall for someone that doesn't even want to catch me when I fall. Where'd the love go? So many months together was just a front so you could get a couple dinners, some lunch and brunch. You must think I'ma munch? No baby girl, far from it. I was a King to your queen but to you I was just fling or a plaything you picked up when you were bored. Most of the time I was ignored and placed on the shelf with the other misfit toys. When I thought I was forgotten here comes a gentle touch by her hand against my soft cotton outsides filling me with uncontainable joy and love. I always give it but in that moment I received it and the feeling was unexplainable. For awhile it felt unattainable but when she would come back it gave me hope that i could have it forever. But when she would put me back down for no reason I would be mad at first and then realize that's just the end of my season for the moment. Sigh. See you next year.

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That is always unwanted and never appreciated but when that initial reaction of frustration is gone you end up enjoying their company.

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Trying to find hay in a stack of dirty needles. By the time you find something resembling it you'll be in pain and frustrated at the end of it.

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Feelings that
I know to be true
and it's all
because of you. Thanks
for nothing.

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I had a vision of a shining star that would twinkle in the daytime. She was so unique and also beautiful. Other people want to capture her and put her in a cage so only they can enjoy her like a toy. They would pick her up, play with her and put her down. They will often turn her smile into a frown. Not really caring for her fully just using her for her shine. I want her to be mine but I want to be hers. I want to share her shine with the world to eliminate the darkness and change the feelings of the heartless. With me she would be loved unconditionally. She'd never have to question or play the game of second guessing. Do he or does he, will he or won't he. You won't have to worry about me being phony because I'm sick of being lonely. I can be the star boy to your star girl. The love we'd create would be more precious than any pearl. Priceless.

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Conversation With The Man In The Mirror

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