"She wanted someone to love her in both calm and chaos ~ for in her eyes, she carries enough madness for two..."

#fromthepagesofmydiary💌 #madnessfortwo🩵

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The more I write, the more I realize how difficult it is to be a writer.
The more I write, the more evidence there is of thoughts I tried to run away from. There is no escape, after all.

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उफ़, मेरे दिल की ये नादानियां,
जाने कितने दफ़्न हैं इसमें,
भूले कुछ किस्से, कुछ अनकही कहानियां.

लाख छुपाऊं सब कुछ मगर,
कम्बख्त आँखों से बयां होती हैं,
मेरे दिल की मजबूरियां.

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Earlier, I always found myself overgiving ~ my time, my attention, my energy. I’d show up fully, wholeheartedly, with everything in me. And in return? I’d receive fragments. Temporary love. Momentary presence. People who acted like they were doing the most, when really, they were only giving the bare minimum.

It took me a while to learn this the hard way: people aren’t always capable of receiving me. Not fully. Maybe they never will be. So, I stopped overfilling them with my presence, my time, my heart, my energy.

If someone is only open to receiving 2% of me, that’s all they get. No more overextending, no more waiting to be fully seen. If I’m meant to be temporary in someone’s life, I accept it and move on.

Because now, I’m pouring all of me back into myself.

That's not bitterness. That’s Self~Love♡. The same love and energy I so freely gave to others, I now choose to extend to myself.
And honestly, it’s the happiest and most peaceful I’ve ever felt.

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What Acceptance Looks Like Lately!!
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I can let people go and still care for them, from a distance. No matter what happens, I will always be someone who feels deeply and that’s my strength (it's fine if others don’t see it that way). Forgive people but never let them back in to give them power to destroy my peace, twice. Miss people, love them, care for them too and tell them, before the time runs out. It's okay to take more than I give back, sometimes ~ to be a little selfish. I’ll say what I need to say, and stop holding the weight of how others receive it. I’ll walk my path and let the universe align what (or who) belongs. No more overexplaining ~ people only understand from where they stand, anyway. I can’t make everyone happy, so I choose me, first. People have a habit of disappointing ~ that says more about them than it does about me. It's my choice how long I want to stay disappointed.

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Who said strong and independent don't cry?
Who said they don’t reach the threshold of patience and pretending?
Who told you this? Where is it written?
Who creates these illusions that the strong and independent don’t need a shoulder to rely on?
Who makes these rules about how a person should feel when they’re betrayed, yet again?

How do you define “strong and independent”?
Don’t you know they are human too? That they once felt deeply?
Don’t you know they hide their vulnerability behind your so-called illusion that strong and independent people shouldn’t cry?

So stop.
Stop putting that pressure on them of being strong and independent, all the time.
Because it feels like you're using their resilience against them ~ resilience they earned after shedding a million versions of themselves.

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They see it as me being single.
I see it as my freedom.
It's all a matter of perspective,
And my perspective is all that counts.

~Dipali Rawat~

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I'm a broken bird…
But the one that waits patiently.
Done living a quiet life, hopping from tree to tree,
building nests out of people I once thought were home, my destiny.
I'm done showing the scarred, cracked edges of my soul — that no one cared to heal.

So I clench my half-shattered feathers,
and with a little courage, I fly – I fly with the fire I have left within.

I'm a broken bird…
But don't be mistaken — there's no cage built strong enough, to keep me from breaking free.

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"449 Days....."

It’s been 449 days since I returned to KL — this time with a deeper sense of responsibility towards myself. I remember making a quiet promise back then: to laugh at the places I once cried. And in a million small ways, I’ve tried to honor that promise.

I used to run from places that held pain — as if leaving would erase the hurt. But somewhere along the way, I stopped running. I stayed and let the very things that once tried to break me shape me instead. I chose growth over escape. Strength over avoidance.

Now, I hold my ground. I don’t let people, situations, or fleeting emotions sway me like they once did. I’m learning the power of being neutral — steady, quiet, evolving… always evolving, far from prying eyes.

Learning the fact, that facing a fear doesn’t make it all vanish — it makes you unshakeable.

449 days of living every bit of it. Sometimes racing through, sometimes slowing down. But always, always becoming!!

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"Me in the Crowd or the Crowd in Me!"
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Today evening, after work, while heading towards the train station, I felt something strange.
There were too many people, too much rush — and yet, in the middle of it all, I thought to myself:

"Sometimes, I want to be lost in the crowd.
Sometimes, I wish to be found in it.
Sometimes, I long to walk away from the crowd.
And sometimes, I just want to blend right in.
It’s so loud around me, yet somehow, I carry my own quiet chaos within.
That somehow makes me wonder — am I my own crowd?"

It made me feel both happy and sad, connected and lonely — all at once, for reasons my heart seems to understand more than my mind ever could.

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