Dearest husband,
I honestly don't know if I know you now or not,
I don't know it we've ever shared a smile or never met,
But there are days that I wish you were here,
Days like today,
When I feel so inadequate,
Or like yesterday,
When I had my wins to share,
Or maybe everyday.
I still have some fears,
And I'm dealing with them now,
Cos I won't want to put those weight on you.
I'm far from perfect but I'll keep getting better.
Keep praying for me too.
Yours in future.

-

For the nights you'd cry yourself to sleep,
I need you to find the courage to hold on,
For the days you'd wonder why you cared so much,
Getting so little, merely being an afterthought,
For times you feel less, even close to worthless,
Hey, you aren't, Abba died for you.
For the moments nothing seems to be falling in place,
You truly will feel these,
But, feelings aren't always real.
Keep breathing,
The sun will always shine.
You will be fine.

-

Her: How can he say I never liked him?
Is he me? Is he my heart?
Shim: If you like him why did you say all those things? Like you were ready for war?
Her: He was saying all those mean things, my heart was being torn & I didn't want to feel like I was losing
Shim: Should I talk to him?
Her: No, maybe it's better this way
Shim: Makeup your mind!
Her: If he is coming back, I need it to be on his own terms, after making up his mind.
#youths&emotions

-

Or maybe never,
I'm hurt that you'd chose everything else,
But not me,
A beep of your phone a torture,
Just a call from me,
I don't understand it.
But I'll listen to you this time,
And keep you safe from torture.

-

That can makes you feel inadequate,
Then the cycle of proof begins.
To prove you're enough for people
by pleasing them,
To prove you're enough for yourself
 by meeting your high standards,
and enough for God by being good.
All is farther from the truth.
Rejection is a call to growth.

-

I know how to do lots of things,

To make friends and laugh together,
To keep friends, that I can handle.
When it comes to relationships
I just don't have a clue.
I ran so much that now, I'm done,
But still panting

-

El Roi Ifeoma,
The one who sees me,
The one who understands how much
pieces my heart broke into,
The one who sees how much I was trying
to be strong,
Instead of just letting go
Yet he sweetly nudged me to let it all go,
Oh difficult conversations!
Every part aches, the start, the middle, the finish that never finishes,
Maybe it's not necessary after all,
Lord, I don't see how it would all turn out
And that scares me
But I know you see me.
I know you see it all too.
I believe you when you say, your plans are better,
But not knowing still hurts,
I know you see the ache in my heart.
Help me trust you wholly.
I believe father, help my unbelief.

-

I'd stick to sacrifice against my feelings,
I'd choose you every day,
Against my whims.
If I eventually say goodbye,
It wouldn't be a feeling,
I'd pass by you & not spare
not a thought nor a second glance.
A decision only God can change.
I still love you, but no connections.
Wishes being horses...

-

fighting these hard battles,
Shutting me out were it matters,
Maybe now our priority differs,
Spending time with the father to him is duty,
maybe unnecessary,
My case is not even a case anymore,
But I still want to be here,
Present for him,
Trusting he would one day look up,
Look up & see the one who loves him more,
Look up & realise God is truly faithful,
And that I'd give everything,
to make his battles easier,
and I'd be elated if he realizes
that he is the one I still miss the most.

-

So they've said.
You & I are like the earth,
Still here in differing seasons,
Switching roles in rotations,
Evolving but still here
as seasons change, & the new comes.
Methinks this very one,
So subtle with beckoning questions,
Hoping we let it pass through us,
Refining. Reigniting. Loved.
People are like seasons, maybe we are too.
We are changing but one with another.
Growing. Committed. Forever.

-