You would be staring into the eyes of a coward...

An average face, the kind that you wouldn't look twice in a crowd with eyes brimming with fear.

If I were you, I probably be putting the book down right about now..

I am writing to you that it's alright to do so...

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writing. A dozen other forms of expression and I always end up choosing writing.




Happy. I find my perfect place in words. A place where I can undo and redo my thoughts until it reaches its best self.
A sort of rebellion against an unforgiving life

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Was it all just me??

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That needs a good story.

Could you imagine reading a book that just defined love?
Could you imagine a story with no challenges to get your heart besting fast?
Could you imagine a story without a few embarrasing moments that make for a good laugh later on?
Could you imagine a story without hardships that make your heart twist and turn?

Would you read such a story?

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To break free from this marionettes
that have for long kept my emotions strung on
Their unspoken words,
My assumptions of them,
Their expectations,
My inability to say "no" loud and clear,
Their attention or the lack of it,
My desire to be wanted...

If you can hear me, tell me,
How did you save yourself?

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For so long I stared hopelessly at the bloody gash that refused to heal. Painful days, one after the other, it left me numb.

It wasn't until I met her that all changed.

At first she patiently heard my pain.
Then she spoke comfortingly like a breeze.
Finally she lent her shoulder for my tears to cascade...

Slowly, she helped me heal.

When it was my turn heal her,
I saw her pain that was beyond words.
I saw her helplessness.
I saw my future self had she never come across...

But I ran away. Coward.

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The Blue Moon.
Be an illusion to my eyes,
Make me believe you are here
even if it's for a moment until I catch my breath...

Then be gone.

Leave with the fading intoxication,
leave with the rising sun.
I might ask you to stay,
but be gone and never return.

This is all I ask of you as I untie our broken destinies...

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I am a coward.
I am a fool.
I am afraid of what you think of me.
I am afraid of not being manly enough.
I am afraid I can't ever let down the barriers around me.

But despite my fears, I put a brave face every day after brushing my teeth because like you, I have no choice but to pretend that I am better.

I apologize for not telling you sooner but I want you to know the truth.
I am just like you and its okay to be a bit afraid.

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I wish I could speak to the winds,
Hear it's numerous stories in its varied rhythms and tunes.

Sometimes I wonder if it is searching for something indescribable, something that stirs deep yearnings even in the powerful Element holding it chained within the confines of the Earth's limits.

Perhaps it's an illusion my mind created to help me relate,
make me feel less lonely.
Perhaps this search is futile,
Perhaps there is a lesson
In the winds that travelled
In futility for centuries...

Or perhaps I have a powerful ally that carries her breath into me,
giving me a life to immortalise her.

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Looking at the fully bloomed Hellebore,
I can't help but feel a dull sense of deja vu.

I remember this feeling all too clearly but I have forgotten many more details of that time.

I remember that she smiled,
I remember that she was with me,
I remember the feeling that coursed through my veins...

I try hard to remember more
but I guess my prayers
from long ago started
working their miracles.

Now, I am afraid of the spring when
I would eventually forget to see her smile
in a blooming Hellebore.

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