I know she loves me
Curve her
when we get back
She played her part
Gave me everything that I need
I know
Why am I like this ?
I’m karma and a lesson
Thanks to my old bitch
My heart only belongs to my profession

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Sometimes, it's hard to get out of bed in the morning, while you're in mourning
Depression kills , these demons fight , voices grow louder same time each night
"Man fuck this shit, oops , I mean , you ready to take flight?
There's a bottle of blues just sitting right there, about 30 of em . Take em with a shot of bourbon , hop in your suburban "
But I can barely walk , I will crash; that's for certain

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It can get very sad in this cold world we live in
Look at how we treat each other, especially the women and children
We got drugs running wild , them xany bars got me locked in like prison
I have so much on my mind , but I feel as if people won't listen
So I don't speak too much , who can I trust ? Let's hold auditions
So I paint my pain with words , which I draw with such precision
I feel dead inside, can someone please call me the mortician ?
I'm only here now because I understand what is my mission
So I position myself in a way that'll gain me some wisdom
I done live through some things, had to make some tough decisions
But I'm only the man I am today because I made those tough decions
Swallowed hard truths , when Mama spoke, I shoulda' listened
But I'm making up for all the shit, that's what feeds up my ambition
Because what I envision , is a life stress free with no drama
I put that on my mama , it's time to let go of all this trauma

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Baby girl I got a thing for you and when it comes down to love , I know a thing or two
But I've been broken so much that now my heart is blue
Now im so sick of this shit , it's like I have the flu
Yeah
I got a thing for you, what's the next step , tell me what to do
Ive been waiting for your heart, this love is stuck in queue
Cupid must've struck an arrow , what I feel is true
Yeah
Cooking in the kitchen , so I gotta turn the stove up
Running up these bands , so my pockets looking swolled up
Baddest in the room , my baby wavy like the surf club
Late night talks while we driving through the city , baby girl so pretty , and my bars get witty
And I got a thing for you, not looking for a quickie
Kissing on your neck , I ain't tryna leave no hickies
Diamonds dancing on my body , drown you with the drippy
Licking on your body , can you drown me with the kitty ?
Hailing from The Bronx where these streets are so gritty
Ain't looking for no pity , keep the nine tucked , hiding underneath my Biggie

-

Letter to myself …
Gene , you are numb to the core . Will you ever feel alive again ?
I see things in you that no one else does .. you’re childish at times . You’re still that same child that never had the chance to grow up. Lost your dad at such a young age , so you had to become a man. It’s sad … You’re lost . You love hard but hate even harder . Is it because of the things you’ve done , or the things you’ve seen ? Things you aren’t proud of … I know
You see that same face every time you close your eyes. You relive that moment . It’s haunting . The nightmares never stop , an endless loop of bloodshed and loud ringing in your ears. But that was then and this is now
Tattoos all over your body , judged around every corner. You terrify those around you, you push away the people that love you. You find solace in your madness , for there is beauty behind your pain . Misunderstood , a misfit. But did you ever want to fit in ? Maybe at one point you did but that is no longer the case. I hope you find yourself again , I truly do. I love you my boy , and so should you

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Your eyes hold so much mystery , filled with sadness
But I’m done with this illusion , for the night has passed
I love you , I hate you
I need you , I want you
As the rain taps on my window , I’m reminded of the storm that was our love
The thunder roars and lighting strikes
The wind howls and my heart grows colder
With each passing gust , seasons change but the sun no longer shines in my eyes
I’m surrounded by darkness
Am I the darkness ? I wonder
Have I always been the problem ?
No wonder
I wander with this compass made of fire
Will I ever find myself again ? I don’t know
Will I ever love again ? Only time will tell
… but then again , this is just an illusion

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Free will , you can end this right now and all I can say is OK, I respect your decision
Setting my feelings aside because obviously , something is missing
I ask myself, what's causing all this friction? Something's amiss
Your love is like ecstasy, I have such an addiction
So I plunge into the abyss
But you cast my love away , I'm facing eviction
How you went from babe to sis ?
Cut holes in my heart now I'm looking like Swiss
Went from melting love to rotten hate
I laid out my heart , like fruits on a plate
But you're Such a monster , my soul you just ate
You opened the gates of Hell by using me as bait
Tied my soul to a string , and dangled it to the Devil
But I'm used to the torment , this is just another level
Because dancing in the fire is where I revel

-

I numb my pain with pills , when I sleep will I wake up ?
This anxiety is killing me , hellish torture , had enough
The Devil is a lie , but I know he ain't letting up
My demons are inside this cup of purple , pour it up
Come through with the Yayo, now my nose is acting up
Different strains of Marijuana in my chest , I puff it up
3.5 inside the wood , that blunt is looking buff
Killing me softly , no Lauren Hill , I'm speaking of the drugs ...
Killing me softly , no refugees , no running from the drugs 🎶

-

Who am I to say I haven't found the right one?
I'm searching for something, but when I look can't find none
When love is on my heels , I have these tendencies to run
Play with my emotions is like playing with loaded guns
I look back at my past and then I swear that I am done
With the bullshit with the lies , I tell you that I'm really done
This weight up on my shoulders weighs about a metric ton
That's a thousand kilos , check the math cause I ain't wrong

-

This is my true story
I’ve been through some horrible shit , pretty graphic and gory
My whole life I’ve been slept on like dormitories
My heart’s become rock, can’t dig it out of this quarry
My soul is cold , am I burning in Hell ?
We’re stuck in this cell , this jail , this purgatory
And the fire becomes ash like a crematory
I know you like the way I bust out these allegories
I’m sorry , I’m just so used to being lonely
A tad bit odd , but it feels like I’m the one and only
I want to know love , can someone come and show me ?
I want to feel joy , can someone come and hold me ?
I’m tired of the pain , but it leeches by closely
I love the fucking pain , you may now approach me …

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