Your stills have so much in their possession, so much of warmth and imagery. I look at you and imagine you hugging me and holy shit that feels so good! But Now the warmth hides beneath the scream of silence and I wonder what that means. Unaware of it's cause. Unaware of it's death. I sit far away and watch you bleed as the silence grabs you tight . The blood now makes my hands red but makes me unable to wipe them off! It looks like a nail on a mosaic wall. A ripped old painting now hangs on it , beautiful but not very pleasing and my lack of artistry makes me stare and stare and just stare at it
....but wait aren't you an old master???
Why aren't you mending it. Why are you sitting still on the edge of the rooftop, are you the one hammering those nails on you? Loading yourself with old paintings that are meant to cherish but too fragile to hang? help yourself paint it new, I just started living you. I can't watch you break those walls for I have so much to add on.... and I ponder and ponder, spend my minutes phrasing and rephrasing my question just to realise that homes don't build themselves rather breaks at a certain point.-
My burning beaut posses knitted brows and perpetual eyes. One must be a fool to fall for those shimmery glitter but them falling for you is like the moon in the winter sky.
Clear and cold.
Do not compare the shivering breeze to my uneasy life. The cold warms my soul, It makes me feel warm from within. Asks no change but heals. Prevents my soul from leaking through my cracks.
The one my clenched fist created .
We are the same yet so different. Different in an ineffable way. Our difference holding eachother is quite unimaginable. Mysterious yet complimentary in so many ways.
I have been lost ever since the touch of those knitted brows joined my world to theirs..and now I wander amongst them. Weak yet strong , unable to stand and leave. The brown leech now sucks my pain and I let them do so. I no longer carry the burden of existence as now they do that for me. I rest my ,me that still breathes and hear no complaint, And I let my chaos rest in peace within them .-
Starry nights , wet hair and soapy water that refused washing off my skin Makes me surrender myself to the night sky. I do so by Sitting on my chair while staring at those burning beauty that lies miles away
I share my secrets while both my hands touch the ground along with my heels , my hair wanting to escape with the wind while it distracts me from my tales .
It tells me the story of the WAY and i tell them my unsaid dreams , but our words are then followed by the wind that moves around with her friend and locks my burning beauties away.
I still wait and wait with my hands still touching the ground along with my heels , my hair no longer tries to escape rather sticks to the soapy and salty texture of my skin! The sun comes then to end my wait but goes down with me under the night sky , hair still wet , soap still on my skin..-
I am trying ,
Am trying and mostly I fail but ..
I do that again and again !!
But as my fear walks by,
I loose the things I already lost , A.G.A.I.N!!
Am tired of my emotions , tired of the denial ,
But acceptance is what I was never taught ,
Perhaps Am pretty much uneducated when it comes to emotions ,
They just keep flowing .
My will to keep them secretive fail ,
And then I fail in real !
And now failure is a part of me ,
Or maybe I am a part of it.
But if and only if I saw me on the street ,
I would ask if I was ok .
Ask why am ok with the f word being attached to my name ,
Ask if I liked being that f word !!!!
And denial would stop Me ,
It Would STOP ME From exchanging words with myself...
And I'll elope with my failures again!
Coz that's what I've been doing since my existance!!!
Running away ....and now am attached to both ,
Failure and denial.
I still wonder if I am a part of them or they're a part of me,
My question Shall remain Unanswered
-
Reached my Destiny ,
Was late ..three years i suppose
And No it wasn't easy to sabotage all my emotions at once ,
Wasn't easy to murder the things i dreamt of with my open eyes but,
But here i am-
In a red dress with teary sparkles on it .
With red eyes and a bit of dream living in it-
I miss something that never existed Or maybe it did exist ,Inside my head but the version i made and the reality feels like one thing in two different worlds,
But my plural existance make me wonder if i even exist .. !! ..Do I? ... do my emotions Exist? Do my subconscious mind exist?
Or is it just some noisy wind that sounds like a scream ...LOUD scream !
Am i loud??..loud enough to make my emotions reach people .. or I've been silent? silent ,like no one's Living ..like a cold abandoned house with ,A Hope of warmth !
Hope that haunts everyone ...haunts to an extent that it makes me a potential murder ... Murderer who murdered no one but me .. not once but thousands of times and keeps stabbing me ..it stabs me while i speak. But I ...I don't bleed !!!
Or maybe i do
I bleed emotions
I bleed poetry
I bleed silence
..and the hush silences everyone ..and that's what haunts me .. what if my fear stabs someone and paints my hands red .. so red that they start questioning themselves
DO I EXIST?-
We often forget that all of us are freaking stardusts .. I mean ever imagined what star you've come from? And most importantly .. when u die you are not dead yet your soul gets attracted to a new star formation ..... So is life.. life ? or just a journey from being one star to another???
-
Dear Cupid, please send this message to my passed life's lover tell them I miss them for now I'm surrounded by chaos and cold words that's turning my heart into a stone . Tell them I miss them for am on my way to the other side , tell them I can't wait to meet them again for the first time . Tell them I miss them .
-
I wiped my emotion 's blood
on a cloth that wasn't destined to do the same .. and now am left with a stain of regret ..-