I only believe what love isn't
because of you
It's not crucifying me for flaws
and society's laws of what a
woman should be
It's not wiping my tears
pretending to be my saviour
when you're the one who
made them appear
It's not praising my body while
trying to woo me
for a few nights of pleasure
Only to tell me I'm not close
to a treasure in the cruelest measure
I know what love isnt,
because of you
It is mending, it's not meant
to break someone to the
extent you did me
Now I only believe what love is,
because of you

-

did freedom embrace me
Not until you left
did the chains break around
my feet
Not until you left did the
seed of self-doubt that you
planted in my mind-
leave too

-

Paper understands my rusty hands
and late night searches for wedding bands
on dating apps
Paper understands my emotional collapse
and journeys on maps
to find a home-
Unwittingly ending in neverending in traps
Paper understands my emotional state
and perception of fate
Paper don't see my fails. It notices my ails
It knows the trails of my tears, including
all my fears
Paper understands that some days all I need
is for somebody to hold my hand
Paper understands-
I don't wish to drown
in emotional quicksand

People don't.

-

Why does this loneliness hurt to the bone?
I have a home, so many to call my own,
Why does it look so forlorn?
I mourn-
myself.
Death follows me
It creeps beneath the melanin
I try to flee, but it's within me
Why do I feel so alone?

Now that I'm grown, I understand-
my people are not my own.

-

it'd be for eternal peace
so this storms brewing
inside of me can finally cease
If I could wish for one thing
it's be for my soul to be at ease
just once, please?

-

Tell me why I'm always on the run
Why I feel like I don't have a place
under this scorching sun
Like if I had been someone's son
I'd have some idea of what happiness
tastes like instead of none
Tell my why I had to learn to bite
my tongue so young when I still
have all these words in me unsung
The child inside me wants to be
free and for once, I wish they would
just let me be me, unapologetically
I'm tired of running
of ruining
of always saying "Yeah, I'm okay"
when I'm slowly dying

-

to our happy days and
your wicked ways
Your memory stays engrafted
in my brain because when you start
haunting me-
I start screaming in pain

-

don't listen-
feel
feel your heart crushing beneath your sternum
watch it run dry until blood eludes your veins
cry until the moon tells you to shut up
swoon at the feet of heartache and let
it envelope you in its arms
sit in silence's company, tell her your thoughts
tell her why his ghosts still swans around you
how his scent still stabs through you on your
loneliest nights
tell her about his smile and how it used to be
the only thing that made life seem
worthwhile
let grief accompany you and mourn him
take your time, it's okay to mourn the living
kiss nostalgia goodbye, kiss her like you might run
out of time and turn tail
run as fast as you can
do not let her looks taunt you
she might the most beautiful lie, but don't be
fooled by her appearance
nothing will ever be the same
yoú won't ever be the same
neither will he be
shatter. over and over again until there's
nothing more to break
when you feel like everything's lost, reassemble
the broken pieces and blend it until it
resembles a mosaic
Then you'll rise from the ashes, stronger than
ever before AND you'll move on

-

She lives with insides that
has been butchered abysmally
A brief semester promising
to bring joy was shattered by
the flow of clotted zinc clinging,
holding on for dear life
All the prayers for smooth
sailing, escaped God that night
Her anchors dipped her head
in the ocean and
for months, she has been
homesick while longing leeches
onto her skin
Still, she masquerades to escape
the human race,
piants her face brave and hides
her torment in depression where
it can never be traced

-

You sing praises in honour of me
spurts of longing cascades down
my inner thighs
Your tongue swirls around in my rain
waltzing back and forth until your
throat is completely soaked with me
You pull out I have nothing, only
the memory of you inside of me
You leave me to fornicate
with misery over and over
then go boasting around about the
broken girl who sits drooling between
your cold feet with no name-
just societal trash.

-