Some days i love you too much; some days just enough.
but you won’t ever feel it, you make me feel like a loser.
I would have broken hearts, for you, I would have traded all the stars
but you had to leave so soon you left me open scars.
and now i don’t know how to act around anymore, I think I’ve had it all
I could hit rock bottom or i could be saved; it's your call. 

-

It's hard to be normal sometimes. To be like expected, to feel like prescripted; to be neutral. I have restricted emotions, resented conclusions; they break my heart but i have to construct my reactions.
I don't wanna cry but nobody understands. I don't want a blame game it only makes me darker. So I keep it all to my self and burry my anxieties to maybe fill the hole I'm carrying in my heart. I'm failing at life. I'm failing at responsibilities.
"I'll run away one day", is all I can think.

-

What are your thoughts about death? Like, in one word or maybe a sentence, how would you describe it? What does it make you feel? Does the thought of death frighten you? Or does it confuse? What does it do?
Since the childhood we've heard stories of the evils being killed dead and the heroes being immortalised that we have made death itself an evil, like its a bad thing or something unusual? But isn't it natural? Like you came you, played and you're dead? Shakespeare said it, right?
I've talked to some people about it now and I've realised that people really aren't afraid of not living but dying; or maybe by the idea of it! People describe it as dreadful and sorrowful and hedious and scary and disturbing and jeez what not but I, always fail to understand them! I mean what's wrong in dying? You have to, one day, don't you? Then what's the problem? When I think of it, I see peace, in afterlife. The peace I couldn't get here, living! The peace that won't disturb me, the peace that won't bug my insecurities and the peace I could finally be happy in! I just want to be happy. Is it death? The happiness?

-

I will always wonder how quirky we were, being the best of friends through all this time.
I will wonder why it went wrong when it was supposed to rhyme.
Though we'll miss each other and the fun and the fights and all of the epics and the bumpy rides.
Though we'll cross each other and do nothing about, though we'll want to scream and run and shout.
Yet, we'll dwell in silences and stare from afar.
Yet, we'll move on slowly to fill the scars.
We will live. We will love. We will rise up from lows.
We will leave us behind. We just need to let it go.

It's over ; for good maybe, maybe not.
Maybe it's good that you're gone.
Maybe it's good that I'm alone.

-

So what is it about him? that makes you so insane! Is it his eyes? Or his smiles? Or is it the way he talks or the way he sighs? What does he do that fades all of your shys? Why do you get blinded when it comes to him? Why?

Isit because of the words he say or maybe because you know he's gonna stay or Is it something he does that makes all your problems go away? What is it? tell me! that makes him so great?

You trust him way too much and look up to him everday like he's some kind of a god, perfect in all his ways! You say he just swept in and painted all your greys? How can he do that, how can he be that great? I mean nobody can be so perfect, nobody can be so great!

You tell me he's all so fun and chill you tell me youre obsessed. I see you losing grips when you see him you're all red. You smile these days, staring at the walls, walking in the halls, in whatever you do but how do you he feels it too? You, you can not just know if he's the one, right? I mean how can you; What does he do? Tell me, that makes him so great? 

-

I bottle up my feelings tonight. Real tight. So that not a drop can escape out of my eyes. So that not a word can spill out of my mouth. Maybe then it won't hurt me so much, or maybe it will but i will survive?

I throw those feelings today. Far far away. So that they can never return. So that they can never find a way back home. Maybe then I won't hurt him so bad. Maybe he will be happy again?

I want to break out to myself. I want to run into the hands of the broken scars. I want to pour my pain naked and drown dead afar. I want to leave no remains I'm so hollow inside. 'I never wanted to hurt him.', I cried but my voice had died inside.

-

He would bring her flowers and sunshine!

-

Been craving for days
but i need him tonight
desperately, next to me
until i don't feel weak
in my knees, in my heart
his fingers creasing
my skin; burning bare
insecurities cursing
love; uncontrollably,
slipping touches all over
breathless in covers
slow, tangling figures
kissing bad sinners
unimaginable, inseparable
from love; to love
i need him tonight
to never let go

-

In the endless time
you're my timeless world.
That won't ever go
not moving! fast or slow.
Regardless of situations.
Boundless of creations.
Magnanimous misconceptions.
Immortal conversations.
From the abyss of lamentations
brought me appreciations.
Nothing shrewish at all, rather
he is a mesmerising sensation!

-

If only you knew what i had been feeling inside

You could have saved my life when i was still alive.

If only you saw how i cringed when I smiled

You could have asked me then and it would have been alright.

If only you heard me calling out all night

You could have calmed me down before i lost my light.

If only you were concerned about how i acted all this time

If only but you weren't and that's where i lost the fight.

You could have known. You could have seen. You could have asked at least, after all we had been.

I would have have screamed and cried and vented about the lies, i would have been in your arms than closed my eyes. I would have told you all about the arguments and fights, all my insecurities and the reasons why I quit trying.

I would have loved you so much if I were alive but did you love me at all? Tell me now that i have died. Now that you'll miss me for the rest of your life.

-