Today, I feel downcast. My memory travels down the path of you, my favorite "what if" in history. I long to say hi, to run a little check if I still have the charm that makes your face glow at the sight of me. Even if I can't see you, I can feel the excitement in your voice. I yearn for anything that will bring us close again, anything to quash the awkwardness that taints the smoothness of what we were.
But your voice, after a few hellos, jolted me back to reality. "I can't have small talk with you, Alisha; I just can't..." I feel a quick shock run through my spine. "Do you hate me?" I asked. My brain froze for a moment. The reality of meaning nothing to someone I meant everything to crumbled my spirit.
"No, I don't... But I need to hate you, because when I don't, I love you..." You paused with a sigh before you concluded, "and we can't have that. Can we?" I held the phone a little more tightly. No bitter truth has ever been forced down my throat. My voice croaked as I responded softly, "No, we can't."
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