Sometimes people come into your life at a time that appears just right. Then when a storm comes and rattles your house, tests your relationship and reveals the cracks, you think what? Why?
Step back, see the umbrella view...
Perhaps they came into your life to teach you. That same message goes both ways.
Though you could not weather the storm and you weren't meant to be for each other, perhaps you both taught each other a lesson.

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I hurt...I can't enjoy, can't enjoy the happy chirruping of excited tongues,
can't enjoy the wrapping of gifts to be given or of the receiving.
Limbo is where I am, suspended. Suspended between the now and a void...the unknown space.
Can't make peace, can't grieve yet I am grieving...
A suspension of perpetual unending.

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I stand looking in the mirror,
I see all the physical flaws, all the lumps and bumps and in my mind I begin to criticise...
I look into my eyes, I try and look beyond the criticism, beyond the flaws and see me..
I then see that I am more than my body, that I may not be a super model, no page 3 girl, no pin up but that I am more than my body and I am worthy, that we are all more than our outer shell..this is at times hard to remember.

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Life hits like an ocean wave crashing into shore, we weave through the twists and turns, sometimes it knocks us down but we have a choice; to get back up, navigate the waves or stay down and let the ocean consume us.
Having been a victim of the sea before, I choose now to listen to it, navigate it, ride the waves. I may get knocked off but I choose to get back up again.

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Forgot what happiness meant to me for a moment...
Forgot what it was like to feel independent, what it felt to hold my life in my hands and know where I was going.
Caught up in a thought of a future that included another...
Now I must remind myself of the life I was striving for before...
My boys and I....my future is theirs and theirs alone.

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Apathy...
Love to me is all encompassing, it's a heart that beats faster when the person is near.
It's a feeling of yearning when they are apart.
It's the excitement of contact.
It's the feeling that one is not whole without the other.
It's in good times and bad.
It's not apathy, it's not Luke warm sentiment. It's not apathetic gestures.
Love cannot be forced. It either is or isn't.

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Worth...what is worth?
Is it measured by self?
Is it measured by others?
What impacts self worth?
The self often calculates worth by actions/reactions of others but is this accurate?

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When I wasn't expecting it, you came.
When I thought my heart was closed, you opened it.
When I thought 'this is my world', you entered my world.
When I thought these are the cards life has dealt, you brought me an ace.
When I thought 'I am happy with what I have', you made me happier.

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Some thoughts are a whisper
Some thoughts scream out load
Some thoughts send me spiralling
Some thoughts bring me peace
All thoughts of you stops me in my tracks

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"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Alfred Lord Tennyson
If the love felt was true, then truer words ne'er spoken!! Here's to true love felt in whatever form ❤️

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