Unfamiliar, I look at you and see so much of myself behind your eyes, almost like staring into a mirror.
I have accepted that my questions will remain unanswered, but I won't accept you walking away.
I won't accept that I won't feel your lips against mine again, and I can't life with the idea of not seeing that smile at least another million times.
Complicated, I step into the unknown, like stepping into the darkness for the first time.
Emptiness, loneliness, those are the things I need to leave behind me, and with each step the darkness swallows me, and with each step I realise that what is waiting on the other side might be the answer.
But I am searching, and being hopeful, by leaving behind the fear I might discover something beautiful.
Only 4 steps, and I already saw the most beautiful smile, met the most gorgeous creature.
An angel, with a heart so pure.
And I remain hopeful.-
I feel the soft sand beneath my feet, walking hand in hand with the memories of a broken heart.
I sit in silence and listen as the waves gently break on the shore.
All roads lead to here, all roads lead to this single moment in time.
A story written in sand, our names carved into my heart, and even as I close another chapter I know that I will never be same.
My story, our story...
But I remain thankful, and even with the sadness in my heart I manage to smile.
Tears gently running down my cheek, as I think of her, wondering if she will ever find the happiness that she deserves.
And then I remember, angels always find their way back.
Because in my story, she will always be an angel.
My angel.-
You are a star, a celectial body suspended in the heavenly skies...
I often look up, when the sun has set, when darkness has taken the stage...
Tonight is no different, I raise my eyes to the blackened evening sky, just to comfort myself in seeing that you are still there.
It's in darkness that I find some peace, the moments that we life in silence, the moments between heartbeats and breath, but it's also in these moments when I find myself to be at my most lonely.
The night sky, the arrangement of stars, the chaos of the universe, but in this chaos we find the most beautiful display of creation...
The stars quietly worship the moon, the sun fleeing as the moon conquer the heavens.
So here I am, standing in darkness, in a moment of complete silence, a moment in between my heartbeats, a moment in between breaths...
Looking up at you, suspended in the heavens above me...
My one question, looking down upon me, what is it that you see?-
There is nothing here, just extreme silence...
My back pushed up against the wall as I'm trying to make sense of the darkness in front of my eyes...
The blackness is thick, it's everywhere...
As I breath I can feel the darkness enter my lungs, suffocating me as it fills me with it's dispear...
The room, my room... Walls painted black to hide the stains, to hide the imperfections and to hide the deterioration caused by time, the ticking hands of the clock slowly tightening its grip around my neck...
I close my eyes, but darkness is darkness...
In the absence of light everything is the same...
I hear tiny drops of rain falling against a window...
There is a window...?
There is a way to escape this darkness, I'll trade this place...
Rather be cold and wet, rather be outside, than to suffocate in this darkness, I need to breath...
I need to escape, I need to look into the eyes of my angel...
I'll never give in to the darkness, I'll never allow time to break my spirit, I'll survive the cold, and endure the rain...
I'll fight my way into the light...
Just to lose myself in the eyes of my angel, salvation, the struggle which we all endure...
-
I've lost myself in your eyes...
I can't remember a time before and I can't imagine a time without drowning in the emotions that is running like a river around us...
I'm trying to breathe in a world that is strangling me, it's fingers tightly wrapped around my neck, trying to pull me into darkness...
But you are the light that pulls me , the light that pushes the darkness into the corners...
The light that guides me back to this moment...
You are the breathe of fresh air, the breeze that washes away the clouds of uncertainty...
In you the truth is revealed, the universe explained in a single kiss from your lips...
Timeless, like the expanding night sky...
I'll be forever lost in your eyes, forever lost in you.
-
I have this song on repeat, listening to the lyrics like they were my own...
I read each word carefully as it appears in front of me, each white letter against the grey background, slowly capturing the emotions that has been growing inside of me for most of this day...
I wonder what if I could read them out loud, if I could look into your eyes as each word leave my lips...
And I wonder what you are thinking, if I'm there somewhere in your thoughts, even for the shortest of moments...
I heard the wind this afternoon, outside pulling and pushing at the window as I was staring ourside into the emptiness in front of me.
I'm sitting here, in the semi darkness of a winter evening listening as that same wind is ripping through my soul.
What if I was outside, sitting at the concrete table, would the wind carry me to a place where I could be with you, or would it just carry me away into the starless evening sky.
Tonight I'll close my eyes again, just like so many times before, waiting for the soft hands of sleep to gently pull me into another dream.
But what if I could share my dream with you tonight, what if my dream could last forever, what if I could be your only one...
-
I'm literally sitting in the middle of nowhere while writing this.
I haven't been alone like today for awhile, 7 hours "roadtrip", must have been an uneasy silence for my passenger...
Me speaking the bare minimum, the necessary small talk...
I find myself sitting in an open field tonight, again alone, the wind howling like a hungry wolf...
I can't remember when last I felt the immense force of the wind like tonight...
The evening sky, dull almost mysterious...
It's comforting, I've never liked the wind...
Until recently, now the wind is like a familiar friend...
I fell in love with something beautiful...
The wind will always be a reminder of you, the carrier of my thoughts, my feelings , my love...
Whenever you hear the wind, think of me...
and hear the words hidden inside the storm...
Where ever you find yourself...
The first drops of rain just started to fall, it's like nature understand my sadness, together our tears fall onto the ground...
It's beautiful, as beautiful as sadness can be.-
I couldn't sleep, the darkness was suffocating me...
2 am....the loneliest hour...
My thoughts filled with you, my heart broken by the silence and the distance between us, between two souls...
3 am... the quietest hour, I could hear my own breathing, my heartbeat against the background of the wind torturing me, the wind that once carried my thoughts to you, the same wind that now fills me with a sadness, that can only be understood by you...
The second hand, time slowly fading...
4 am... I pray for the darkness to swallow me, as I finally swallow the tiny white pill that will guide me to you...
Waiting, like you've been doing night after night...
Waiting for me, together we turn around and hand in hand we walk into the sunrise...-
My fingers hit the same notes, over and over again...
The melody repeating, a symphony of sadness as I gently wipe the tears from my cheeks...
A composition, a creation, born from the darkness as the emotions devour the rhythmic melody, violens playing in the background as the curtains slowly lower, leaving me alone, just me and this empty stage...
I see her face as I play the last chorus, my fingers caressing the pale white keys, the way I would caress her soft silk skin...
So much to remember, mornings and afternoons, and the sun on my skin, and I wonder if the sun will ever feel the same again...
I stop, the music stops...
The tears turning into tiny little rivers, I'm alone, I realise, the curtain drawn, the stage empty, except for me...
And then I see her, forever trapped in the corners of of my eyes...-
I sit in darkness, the storm outside comforting, as the drops of rain fall against the window...
Somehow it calms me, the wind follows a rythm similar to that of waves crashing onto the shore...
I close my eyes, and for a moment I'm with her...
I find a calmness, I'm alone, the room empty...
Void of any light...
The only warmth I feel is that of the love that is burning within my heart...
I'm alone, but you reside in my mind, an image, a negative forever burnt into the film of my being...
The storm will fade eventually, but my love will never subside, never die...
My emotions the wind, my tears the rain...
Listen closely tonight to the storm that I bring....
A love of a never ending season...
The season of us...-