दुखता है क्या?
जब बैठते हो अपने साथ,
अंधेरे सुभहो पे अपने साथ
गुफ्तगू करने, यादों का पिटारा ले हाथों में।
पढ़ते हो क्या उन नज्मों को?
जो लिख बैठे थे यादों और मोहब्बत के बने शीश महल में।
या फिर आज भी पलट देते हो उन पन्नों को,
क्या अनदेखा करते हो आज भी?
या फिर बिखरे यादों को जल्द ही समेट लेते हो,
अपने ही नज़रों से छुपा के?
क्या आज भी भागते हो?
ठहर जाओ।-
How does it feel?
When you see your heart blackening,
Not capable, of perceiving
The simplest of thoughts with a good emotion.
As you see the emission of smokes
From the same soft self, scorched
Tainted and beaten...
As you breathe and start to see the masks,
That the world wraps on the face.
With smile and all the pretense,
Of sophistication and a showy sense of goodwill.
Tell me, how does it feel to not feel...
The good emotions and the undoubted love,
to see the final unfazed part of your soul,
get stained with the varnish,
Of an overthinking, miserable self,
Putting a cover of thorns,
to replace the hurting and septic wound...
Tell me...-
What do you say?
Who do you talk to?
When you come to your bed,
Lights off, and all the distractions cut off.
When the world on the other side has slept.
And the dread sets in.
What do you answer to yourself?
When the one inside asks you the questions you put away? To ensure your functioning...
Do you still feed the same answer that you always do,
To yourself during the busy day...
Do you find the door to close out your noise?
Or do you just mentally scream, cry, wail..
And reach the breaking point, trembling.
And weep yourself to sleep?
Or pull your hair off to ensure the physical Pain,
Exceeds your extreme mental torment.
What do you do?
How do you face yourself?-
Thoughts, or a generated sequence
Of words and inferences.
Generated images, from memories.
Known and unknown.
As I whither in the never-ending slideshows.
An unpausable audio-visual treatment.
As I reminisce the smile and soulful giggles,
And the happy and hopeful look in your eyes,
As they completely obliterate,
All my fears and darker thoughts.
Maybe from many gazes,
And searches for depth in the eyes,
I have finally found the perfect one.
As I hold hands thinking how imperfect I am,
And how less I deserve from the look,
And as if there is an entire orchestral symphony,
Of the best background music,
As it boasts of making mortal human fall in love,
Like I have imagined falling in love,
And let it stay uncovered as I left hopes.
Maybe I get to see you on the other side,
Or by my side, holding my hand...
Maybe ♥️, Someday 🧿-
The Echo-Chamber
I have written verses and vented my soul,
For the worrisome noises leave the net,
Through the bleeding pen to be engraved
As a memoire of all spiteful, vengeful, emotional,
and happier thoughts.
It doesn't stop now, as I have lost my pen.
As my sentient self starts speaking to me
Amplifies and stretches my truths and lies.
As I, stand my helpless self.
Bracing my head and closing my ears.
In a vain attempt of saving me,
from the self inflicted sensory overload.
The simple thought to its ears roll open
Like a perpetual woolen ball, unrolling
The static charged woolen thoughts.
As all green thoughts roll out to leave the specific rotten insides.
I see myself again trapped in the jail of my own thoughts.
-
मैं अपनी ही कहानी में एक गुमनाम किरदार हूं।
आंखो में पट्टियां डाल नंगे पैर चला हूं,
मुझे न रास्ता दिखा ना मंजिले दिखी,
मैं हाथो के सहारे दीवारें महसूस करता जा रहा हूं।
बस इस अ़फसुरदा खातिर ज़िन्दगी से आगे बढ़ा हूं,
कुछ अपने से गर्माहट की तरफ अपना रुख मोड़ चला हूं,
एक नासमझ कीड़े की तरह।
क्या में भी जलने को तैयार हो रहा हूं?-
I have lived a thousand lives,
And died a million deaths...
I have come across ages,
And seen civility perish,
And be born again.
I have come back again.
Searching for you
And longing for you.
I have died a million deaths,
And I will suffer a million more.
I search for you,
My road to absolution.
I search for you, yet again.
My singularity.
I am ready to let go...
and accept another death.
Yet again, searching for you.
My absolute redemption-
The worlds have crumbled,
Shattered into singularity.
And a dusty cloud of memories,
Of peace and Pain, darken the sky.
And I stand here, breathing in,
My chest filling up,
With remnants of the carnage.
And block my vents close.
I stand there surrounded,
By friend shaped enemies.
And masked assassins,
Shaking hands and cuffing the wrists.
I hear the day break as my eyes close,
And I stop breathing,
The dust settles and I hear the call.
Finally, it's time to break free.-
I have survived 364 deaths.
Each day I am born, and cursed,
And I spend my last breath,
Seeing lives stay in place...
Relax and rejoice my death.
I am the burning wick of the lost memory,
And I am on my last breath,
My legs have withered, and disappeared
Beyond recovery.
And I am losing the count of breath.
And losing the sense of faces.
I lay down here, on the snow covered land,
And I hear the grim reapers bells.
I am losing my senses...
And I hear the old beard on the reindeer dances.
I hear the people rejoice my death.
One last time. Like the dying lamp.
Only to be replaced by the other...-
पहले हाथ थाम के बैठ से जाते थे।
अब खाली हाथो में गैरमौजूदगी की आदत सी हो गई हैं।
कभी अकेले में बैठ के बातें सुनते थे तुम्हारी,
अब बस अकेलेपन की गूंज ठहरती है इन कानो में।
गाने याद दिलाती है तुम्हारी ,
अब भी में वहीं गाने सुनता हूं ,
बस यादों में फोन से बात नहीं हो पाएगी।
मैं आज भी वही राह चुन रहा हूं,
शायद कभी तेरे दीदार को कामयाब करती,
अब शायद वही रास्ता कहीं और ही ले जा रही है।
चलो आज सुन भी लेते बातें तुम्हारी,
बस सुनने के बाद अकेला सा हो जाएंगे,
मशरूफ हो जाओगे आप ज़िन्दगी में खुदके,
और हम वहीं एक लम्हा याद कर,
ज़िन्दगी गुज़ार बैठेंगे।
शायद अभी तुम्हारा,
ना होना ही जायज़ हैं।-