I can’t find any hope to hang on to lately..
nothing real left to dangle onto as I swift forward not even able to worry endlessly if I might falll down in a black hole of an abyss that is my own self discovered reality I have effortlessly created by my own demise
A reality I am forced to continue to wake up to without u !
Without u by my side !
So alone I walk the shadows
With barely a street lamp to light the path that I’ve paved for myself without a second thought so impulsively I fall without a doubt I know I have fallen
From the highest mountain ..!
Or was it the highest cloud ..?
..or maybe ..the
Highest star..?
Plummeting down to earth
Forever I have been
Forsaken by all
Elements ..both heaven and hell neither want me so I walk alone my only comforts I have lately is the hard ground and a bed made of ash.
The smell of a lingering lite cigarette and the beautiful fragrance of a poison so earth shaking it destroys everything it comes in contact with including you !!
💔

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Ok …ok… I give up I’m sick of trying to wake up and eveything be all fucked up anyway … yo won I’ve given up everything to get nothing I. Return nothing but the shoes and clothing in my back … my mentality is completly shattered I can barely breath I ready to walk straight into traffic I’m done with the pity I’m down with the pain the agony the anguish I’m rdy to go home but there isn’t a door left that will open up for me I choose u over everything and always got nothing n. Return thanks for everything !

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I give up!! Ur always wrong and I’m always right
I’m sorry but it’s been that way all along !!
I’ve been hiding in and out of ur story lines again always a ghost an a memory from a distant past like a whole daymare nightmare I’m having on repeat about life long lost to many time broken
Shattered I am with way to many pieces to collect but I gotta stay high all the time never give up never ever giving in ..waiting for that hour glass to reach empty and I’m up and I’m out the door again always on the look out for another come up another reason another fire to light my way thru the dead of night gotta stay high gotta stay high all the time

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I was there was a way to show her exactly how much of my heart was hers
To be able to give her exact measurements for ever on ounces of love I have given yet and yet to give her
I truley and honestly wish there was a way I could touch her hold her make her soul understand the yearning to make right all the wrong turns I’ve made in our very amazingly beautiful but yet deadly tragic story we hold nhand so far as we travel together down this road we share hand in hand u walk with me
And forever will I stare an awe at how beautiful I are today and how very beautiful u were then
Forever I ask for forgiveness my love for I continually always sin!
I wish u could forgiv me forevr becs I kno how this is 2 end
I am In Love with everythin tha is bad 4me
And that is my flaw
But wit alittle understandin just maybe I could change evry love story ever written
Until only sense is made Sensible and u can maybe even one day forgive me 4 i always will lov u and nevr any less for that 1 day u will remember were where we had sat down on the floor and I drew my whole heart in ur palm and asked u to please keep it forever because to me U are eveything I love and want
Please always forgive me !

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I really dislike myself in a complete wholeness of my own self destructive actions that I consistly and relentlessly insist upon my own self…

…And I’ve noticed how enrapture and an toxify ..Every setting I walk into a place myself in it’s as if I expell unlucky circumstances that continue to fall upon each other all I orde right down the line til I’m sitting in the center of everything just watching how my uilimate destruction had become there unholy demise…

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This feeling is kinda like when it is just so dark in ur own self demolished comfort zone where the outside cold are creeps internal the holes an ur unfailing lies finally crack thru and around the faundadtion of ur own surroundings secretly orbiting consistantly failing secrets till u find urself sitting it t he dark searching for not a light to enlightening ur mind and. Make u ok but to continue to search for somthing like ur heart that u never gave to start so u search and search never finding ur way out of ur own self destructing illusion u placed upon ur eyes like a blind fold always trying to find ur way n a dark prison of ur own undoing..

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Nice…. Lately it seems like reality and delusion are one and the same the physical daugting pain is also the mental debilitating pain in my minds brain !
I’ve taken time to star at the fork in the road ahead and I fault n sudden urge to move or even adventure towards a certain atrabute or direction . Haunted in away of things that go bump in the night i am ur demons demon now ! And it’s very clear how very aware but yet so un that im sick to death of the lie that is un true ! And of the face that is completly masked and hidden by own self doubt and the shade corrected just for my likeness… just for me ! Soo… as I stand completely detached in my here and now I remember the memory of ur memory and breath only ur new are that you choose and decide to give me I. Return for my payment of my ultimate sin my pasts mistake !! And here I am just in the moment ! And Here I am just the same !

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Everyday is the same everyday after day i continually wake up trying to remember the day before and why I continue to allow myself Any sleep instead of guarding myself !! Asking myself questions like why did I end up in that sleeping position ?? ..and why I’m not up guarding my post at the edge of my bed just guarding my door it ……. don’t lock any all my locks don’t stay locked 🔐 so just like the cage I live in … everything open soo if I have to hide and lock away items of no significance to all the people I surround my self with then what is the actually point if being here is to lock out the outside world right ??? Well then why is my little world I keep with me sitting right next to me hurting me ???
I know I’m a “popular monster” but what I have implyed upon has truth to its uncanny sources haha …why do I lock myself away from the world today when my little circle is just gonna take my soul from me again tomorrow anyway ???..

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Shocked is a word I would use at a moment in this deepened cut clarity u had to bestow upon my head like a crown so I could walk around with an allow all others too see my shame but u just let my parade continue.Why?Would u want somthing so deeply mortifyin.n.horrible to b.hexed with n c as u deeply cut me wit ur unfailing pride ur assumption ur brainwashed warped mind is not my reality 2insist I am the1.who should take the fall always Wha because i am who I am so I should continuously b punished 4 the mistaksN MY life Imyself have inflicted so BRUTALLY I burnt my own so called self righteousness Self yes.I have burnt others I never said my curse was unfailing in its will2touch the1s around me but they all were aware I carry a universe w/me… continued …

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There comes a time on a usually suddenly so equally random night ! That I might find urself lost and abandoned be all and everything at once in ur life . When u literally have lost u self on th moment of ur own loss that u can't seem to take a step forward scared so completely of th dark but it's so much pf a part of u you just sit there stuck cold shivering hidden Away on the rain lost somewhere off ur life's own mislead beaten path ! Contemplation of the reasons why it is. What it is and understand ur own part an understand ur own
Un recognized part u played on the whole demise of ur personal self destruction !
So here I sit stuck Soo utterly and completely just alone and ready for the complete and finally ending ... To this horrible act ,.... Forgive me for I do not know what I am about to do ,,,

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