With the arrival of March, and everyone marking a year to the lockdown/quarantine, I'm only feeling more nostalgic about being in my college and living everyday as I used to, a year ago. I want to go back now.
Start the day with a haste, somehow gulping the obnoxious food at PG and packing some for tiffin. Somedays, when I woke up early enough to avail some time, used to spend them selecting a little fancier/sophisticated dress from amongst the pile in my wardrobe, marking my eyes with a thin layer of kohl and wearing little jhumkas. Stepping on the street to catch Golfgreen Howrah, marked the mindless rush of the day. Boarding the almost 'filled to the brim bus' and stepping down with profuse sweat all over, I used to realise, a part of the day's turmoil is done dealing with. Upon entering college, classes began, seminars on most days. The ones with practical in the afternoon would tire me to the core. Lunch breaks were often spent treating myself to better(sumptuous) food in the college canteen. The days with fewer classes were a joy, which meant I could go back to PG sooner and take a long nap. I loved boarding those empty buses, at the end of the day.-
Interestingly, whenever I begin to miss you immensely, I check my phone. I check across all possible applications where you could contact me. I just like to believe, we think of each other at the same time and somehow this time, you would muster that want of talking to me, of learning how I am.
Everytime, I start believing, this might be the time, when the world will play its part and perhaps convey my thoughts to you, in its own concealed manner. The time never comes, the time may never come..
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When I feel pissed off and someone keeps on giving me advice than leaving me alone
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However I try, I mostly end up becoming the third person
That mediator, who likes to bridge distances, but hardly has any one, who could walk that extra mile for her
That spectator, wishing they'd been a part of the story
That good friend, who can't claim to be the closest and best to somebody
That, 'We can't leave her out, it won't be nice', kind of girl
Not the, 'Oh! you have to be here, she can have the next seat', kind.
I'm the one, who can stay up to listen to someone talk
Only to learn how someone else made their day better;
I sigh away
This is a different kind of lonely.
Where you can't complain, of not being someone's priority, the first name in their mind
Where you need to keep on asserting your presence
Maybe, all the good things shared, just stays as an afterthought to them.
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